Just can't shake the blues doctorjoel: My story is a bit old at this point. My ex left me for the illusion of someone better in early 2005. The divorce was supposed to be amicable, but she turned it into a major legal fiasco. Throughout all of the legal process I was so busy and stressed out that I seemed to be functioning OK. The orders from the court finally came out in August. In the end I was left with sole legal and physical custody of my son (whom I cherish dearly), but most of the money is gone and the debts have piled quite high.
At first I was elated and relieved that the legal proceedings were over, and I could start the financial recovery that will take many years. But once the "routine" of life set in, I have become very sad (I use the term "blue"). I just cannot seem to shake out of it, at least not yet.
This isn't the same as the intense and cripling emotional pain I was going through in early to mid 2005. Many of you are going through that now, and believe me, I can relate and I feel deeply for each of you as I read your stories. But somehow I feel empty inside and not sure of my next direction. I don't really want to date yet, but I don't want to be alone either. I seem to be getting through the days at my job OK and am taking good care of my boy, but somehow I neglect to take the best care that I can of myself. It seems I'm tired most of the time and do not sleep well at night.
Any ideas or suggestions?
Re: Just can't shake the blues Feel: Drj,
I hear ya... to be honest what is happening now is the same thing to me... you are coming off that high that was going through your body at the time of seperation and time of stress and sorrow in your life!
You forgot then about yourself and concentrated souly on your son and the hurt and anger, betryal, resentment, the loneliness, and the why's (oh those why's) as much to forget about yourself then as well...
Now your mind is starting to heal and unsure of which way to make you feel settled, everything that consumed you is not there anymore! You are exhausted, and uneasy, you laugh with your son and at a funny joke, but it just seems to pass you by... this is called depression.., you don't want to beleive it but you didn't realize as myself that all that stress taken in for all those months found other ways to servive and has put you in a state that your mind has become used too... a servival mode and now that we can move on and feel better we become depressed.
I am not one for drugs but these helped me... imovane helped with sleep, it's not adictive but puts you back on routine... also maybe you should talk to a doctor, they can maybe tell you more about what you just posted...
Re: Just can't shake the blues Harold: I've been sort of where you're describing and found what worked miracles for me was taking out a membership at the gym. I know it sounds dumb but it's a great way to deal with depression and helps you take better care of yourself. You start feeling better, looking better and that might even make it easier to meet someone to help fill that hole in your life.
Not saying it fixes everything but it's worth a try and in some cases it can make a big difference.
Re: Just can't shake the blues Life2.0: [quote author=drj link=topic=34564.msg360774#msg360774 date=1158105997">
My ex left me for the illusion of someone better in early 2005. [/quote">
You're right - its just an illusion. You ARE better - no question.
You will always be. Be strong, you already won.
Re: Just can't shake the blues doctorjoel: Thanks for the responses.
Feel: I suspect you are right about the depression. I had a minor bout of depression after I gradudated from college years ago. I worked myself out of it over time though. Now I have been seeing a psychologist since the end of the marriage stuff started in early 2005, so I have a relationship there. I will definitely bring this up in my next session, which will be the first since this really started. I don't know much about drugs for this. Imovane is not dispensed in the US; I have a prescription for Ambien but it tends to turn me into a zombie the next day so I don't take it often. Took a lot the week of the trial, though.
Harold: I think your suggestion is good, but I just don't know when I would "squeeze it in". Right now I have about 6 1/2 hours between my son's going to school and coming home, so I try to get as much work in then as I can, and then work the rest of the day after he goes to bed. Fortunately my work (and my company) let me do that. But thanks for the suggestion. Even if I could get in a 20-30 minute walk each day at lunch it would help.
Life2.0: Thanks for your support. In my ex's case it really was an illusion; a reconnection to memories from the past that never manifested in reality. I am certainly "better off", all comparisons aside. I don't see that anyone really "wins" in a divorce (except maybe people who marry just to get money in a divorce, but that isn't what OJAR is about).
