new girl - vent Mr Nice Guy: After having my marriage ruined by my STBXW cheating on me, I find it's hard to really find a sense of comfort being in a new relationship. I don't miss my wife. I do miss my new girl. She is also married+separated. She's been acting a little strange/distant lately... I suppose if it ends it's not so bad... we've had some great times together but if it's coming to an end I should just appreciate it for what it was. I've been mentally prepared for this relationship to turn sour eventually. I kept pressing on, trying to keep things spicy and interesting but she seems to be losing interest. Not because of me, but I think maybe she could just be tired of anything long term. She also has mentioned that through her 8 year relationship with her husband, she was quite a "stick in the mud" and since she met me she's been a lot different, but maybe she's heading that direction again in which case I don't really see why I should continue on putting effort into a relationship and having it be one-sided.
Waiting to see if things change. I hope so, she's great for me and a lot of fun to be with. If not... a part of me wonders if maybe there's something in her marriage to be saved. A month or two ago I would have said much differently, how her husband was to her and all the shit he put her through during their relationship. But the way I see it now, he's not a bad guy at all, just had some pretty major issues. I feel like if her marriage can be saved, they'll have done much better than my wife and I did and I don't see why I couldn't be content knowing that.
Messed up situation. Wish I could see how it's all going to turn out.
Re: new girl - vent hr: Sorry to hear that hun. I think if the gf is acting differently she could be in contact with her x. IMO. I did this once and I was so very confused about the old and new. I really loved the new guy. I knew in my heart he was the right choice. It truly was the hardest thing I have ever had to face. I made the wrong choice because of my history. I chose my husband and he let me down again shortly after. I hope that is not your case, but if it is nothing you can say or do will help the situation.
Re: new girl - vent Mr Nice Guy: She has been talking to her X and seeing him from time to time just casually for lunch. I feel like I really don't have the right to ask her not to do those kind of things, even though I think it's a bad idea in general.
Re: new girl - vent hr: That is how my situations started. My husband cheated on me and he left. It took me 4 months to even be able to breathe again without crying. He was not a good husband to say the least. Finally I started going out. I was regaining life again. I was smiling more and my confidence slowly came back. My new guy really helped me see that life could be better. My husband never took me out. His idea of a date was McDonalds (no pun intended) anyway the new guy took me out we laughed we had so many great times. I didn't miss my husband as much, but he was always in the back of my mind somewhere. In the beginning I wanted him back, but I got past that until one day out of the blue he was on my porch crying saying how he screwed up so bad. Anyway I had a choice to make. I wanted to tell him no, but I couldn't. Sorry so long. I will get to the point. It was a comfort thing. No matter how bad my husband treated me I wasn't ready for a nice true caring guy who would have done anything for me. Trust me when I say since then I have grown a lot and would rather have the nice guy. Your gf is stuck between past and present. She is probably going through hell deep down. She will not be able to talk to you about what is going on. I hope I am wrong about this, but I did it.
Re: new girl - vent Mr Nice Guy: That sounds pretty reasonable... I can't blame her if she is going through something like that. At the very least, the way I see it, she needs to work through this in her own way and really set herself straight if we are to one day have a real true relationship without all these complications.
One day at a time now... I'm hoping for the best but trying not to let myself worry too much.
Thanks for the advice, sounds like it could be something like what you went through.
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