Re: I am very confused and could use advice hr: You want to make the family whole again because we tend to be wired that way. 11 years was a long time to spend with someone. You probably feel like you spent half of your life with this person. Wondering how you can go on without him. I feel like part of who I am now is because of my husband. I know how hard this is. I remember those exact thoughts that you just mentioned going through my head. Two years ago as a matter of fact. I did take him back, but he didn't treat me like a mate. He would tell me things like I can go where I want when I want I don't need a mother you are suffocating me etc. 4 months ago I got tired of hearing that I told him I am throwing in the towel I am no longer going to do this. I was devistated watching him pack his stuff. I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth at the time. I know now that I had enough of being second best to him. I knew him better than he knew himself. I knew he was starting to see a woman. He was just flirting, but I knew it was happening and I just didn't want the ride anymore. I finally realized that I respect myself so much more than I respected him. I know that whatever you do right now, one day you will see it like I did. I have a daughter and I decided I didn't want her to know that it is okay for a man to come and go as he pleases. I think I am setting her up for the same thing.
Re: I am very confused adn could use advice faraday: I know- me too >:(
I am very confused and could use advice faraday: So some know the story and some of you know what happened the other night- came home and told me how much he missed me and things progressed......next morning nothing has changed but he is being nice and calling me honey and asking me if it is ok for him to go out etc....so he calls at lunch and says he has a meeting with guy he going to do work with Saturday- out of town. I said cool no problem- love you- no love you back.... then he calls me back and says that he might have spend night on Saturday- but that he would be with this guy (former boss)- so I said ok do what you need to- but I am confused - am I just dumb to think he is confused too? Is it stupid to hope maybe he is changing his mind? Or is he playing me and really isn't going to work but spending nite with OW- which I don't belive he has done yet- what should I do?
And on top of that, I don't qualify for Legal Aid- I make too much but not enough for regular lawyer- great-
Don't think I am naive about my chances to save my marriage please but I really want to try but I am scared he is lying just to appease me
And it hurts
Re: I am very confused adn could use advice hr: I don't know your husband. IMO he is not changing his mind. He seems stuck in transition. You are still there for him and are willing. He is playing you, maybe not intentionally but he is only thinking of himself and not considering what he is doing to you. He is hurting you every step of the way. It is now your choice what you want to do with that. I know you love him, but sometimes we have to say I don't want to sit home and cry all weekend because of what the other person is doing. Are you truly happy when he is with you, or do you feel alone when he is next to you? I wish so much that you had someone close to you to spend time with you so this wouldn't be so hard.
Re: I am very confused adn could use advice faraday: It depends- things have been chaos for a while now but when he comes home and I see him I am happy and sometimes it is good- up until this point- I want to save this truly- and I think he may want to based on what he said the other night- but I am not sure and I don't think he is either- it would be different for me if the other night had not happened- if he had never said those things- I had given up hope until then- so now its back and he seems to be trying but is he just trying to keep the peace until he parents come back from vacation? He could just ignore me i suppose- and there are trust issues especially now- so I do not know what to do
I am almost 30- and very book smart but not so great with common sense or intuition- and I am very emotional- not crazy just unable to hide it-
I wish there was someone close by other than my shrink but there isn't - but I have met wonderful people here who have helped and it means so much to me
I guess I was hoping to use you guys as a sounding board due to the fact that I am so confused about this
