Re: I am very confused adn could use advice brielle123: Far, even if you do work it out with him - how long do you think that he will keep it up? What about the OW? Do you really want to live in constant fear that he will hurt you like this again, can you even imagine going through all this pain and suffering again in the next 6 months, year or maybe even five years?
I think that he is being nice because he feels guilty for hurting you, not because he wants to get back together with you. My stbxh did the same thing...and I always asked myself, why is he being so nice, why is he calling me to "ask permission" to do things, calls me on his way home to see if I need anything...he must love me and want to work it out with me. It gave me such a false sense of hope, and really he just felt GUILTY! Look at your husband's track record...he seems to be nice for a minute and then at some point he devastates you again and again. I know that you want to work it out and stay married and be a happy family again...but how realistic is that? When is enough hurt enough?
I am sorry if this sounds blunt, I just hate seeing you in so much pain and desperation...you seem like such a nice, caring person that deserves so much more than what he is giving you. I know it is so hard when you love someone so much, but you just can't love for the two of you...you have to receive the love back from him too.
I have gone through it too, and I am still going through it, and it sux...but we are going to get through it and be ok. I am telling you, once I let myself accept and constituted the no contact rule, things have gotten better a little bit day by day....everyone is different, I know that. Just because what I am doing is somewhat working for me doesn't mean that it will work for you, but it can be worth a try to feel like your happy self again, that doesn't hate life so much.
I just want you to be ok :)
Re: I am very confused adn could use advice hr: Brielle said it so much better than I could. She really is right sweetie. I have done this same thing so many times. I am feeling your pain right here with you right now only because I have felt those same feelings so many times before. You are better than this. It is just a matter of believing in yourself more. I have no room to talk because I have done this to many times, but I don't ever want to see someone else go through it. I wish that I could help one person understand that it is truly no way to live. I wish I could have done it for myself all those times. I don't regret marrying my husband, but I sometimes regret that I wasted so much time. I could have been living. I walked on eggshells for 13 years. I still am just like brielle said. I am finally starting to live and my husband is right there wanting me again. Am I strong enough this time-----I can't even answer that. I know what I want to do, but I don't know the outcome. I do know one thing I know you deserve more. Whatever you do no matter what I am here to listen to you.
Re: I am very confused adn could use advice faraday: I know- me too >:(
Re: I am very confused adn could use advice faraday: Thank you very much- I wish I coul dmake myself stop- but we have 11 years and a little girl and I love him so very much- just thinking of him does this- and I can't understand how someone could look at me with that much love in his eyes and make love to me and tell me he loves me and doesn't want this divorce and then be going through this whole thing -why are we doing this in first place? And he has not called OW at all yesterday- I wish I knew what the best thing was- part of me does not want to go through the pain again and am scared and part of me wants to trust him and make my family whole again
Re: I am very confused and could use advice hr: You want to make the family whole again because we tend to be wired that way. 11 years was a long time to spend with someone. You probably feel like you spent half of your life with this person. Wondering how you can go on without him. I feel like part of who I am now is because of my husband. I know how hard this is. I remember those exact thoughts that you just mentioned going through my head. Two years ago as a matter of fact. I did take him back, but he didn't treat me like a mate. He would tell me things like I can go where I want when I want I don't need a mother you are suffocating me etc. 4 months ago I got tired of hearing that I told him I am throwing in the towel I am no longer going to do this. I was devistated watching him pack his stuff. I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth at the time. I know now that I had enough of being second best to him. I knew him better than he knew himself. I knew he was starting to see a woman. He was just flirting, but I knew it was happening and I just didn't want the ride anymore. I finally realized that I respect myself so much more than I respected him. I know that whatever you do right now, one day you will see it like I did. I have a daughter and I decided I didn't want her to know that it is okay for a man to come and go as he pleases. I think I am setting her up for the same thing.
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