Re: Can a couple ever recover from the damage of a separation ace1234: hey drtbone,
That really stinks! My wife left about 6 weeks ago (4 officially), and the only advice I have is that I am trying to give her some space and let her figure out if she really loves me and misses me and is willing to work on our marriage.
Like drj I too have bought some books and am seeking some counseling on my own, but I don't know if she will want to try anything as she say's 'I don't love you like a husband anymore' kinda thing.
Alot of us are coping and dealing but I find this site helps as there are alot of friendly people with good advice.
Good luck!
Re: Can a couple ever recover from the damage of a separation Older Guy: Don't do anything and you might see the results you;re looking for ?
Re: Can a couple ever recover from the damage of a separation twiceover411: drtbone5, I am in the same position as you...I wasn't married, bt we dated 3 years, lived together2 as an engaged couple. We had all the workings of a marriage without "the paper" Stupid o my part, t that's another story.
We a fight about finances on a Saturday. One week and a half later, on a Weds. mornign when I came home, he told me to leave that night. I have a 7yr old with someone else.
To this day I have no reason why.
People have told me "they always come back" or, my mom said the same thing, he needs space, and my brother, who went through a 6 month separation, told me he thinks the guy got cold feet, cause that is what happened to him.
I was told to be thinking about what I am going to say, do when he does come around.
In my heart, I think the trust was already broken.
I am crushed. I am trying to move on, but it is too new right now. Hearing other people in the same situation has helped tremendously.
Re: Can a couple ever recover from the damage of a separation Lance: Well, I can say that it is not working for me. She's on the couch. She's emotionally detatched from me. I wouldn't classify myself as a needy man but I really do thrive on the emotional link that we ONCE shared. I have very few close friends nearby, family is thousands of miles away, and though I was alone for six months, and even got used to it, when I think of her walking out again, I am not strong enough to see it through. I used to ask for her to reach out to me, but in reality that is moot because at one time I never had to ask... she just reached. Now I feel like we moved too far out of each other's reach and our fingertips alone are miles apart, let alone our hearts. It's got to be the worst low I've ever experienced, to see what was once so sacred to me, the best thing in my life, now broken, and wasted.
Re: Can a couple ever recover from the damage of a separation Kinn: The answer is yes, but only if both of you want it. Most of the time a marriage doesn't fall apart because of one person. To make your marriage work again you both have to come to grips with what you did your marriage to lead it down that road and try to change those things. If one person refuses to take any blame than it won't work because the person who is blamed for it all will eventually be totally unhappy. Trying to carry the entire load on their shoulder and will eventually crumble. A relationship takes two and only then will it be successful. Me and my ex wife were on and off for a long time after the divorce. She wanted me back but I had grown and changed as a person and she hadn't yet. She still wanted to treat me the same and do things the same and I wasn't going to do that. I got to a point where I was happy without her so I wasn't going to be unhappy with her. She finally got it after a while. She started to change because she really wanted me again and she realized she was going to have to treat me right or it wouldn't happen. She left me the first time but I took that time to grow and learn and by the time we tried again I was in control. I wasn't going to be with her just because she was her. I wanted to be with her if she made me happy and I wanted to do the same for her. So yes, you can recover, but only if you both want to and put in the effort.
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