The After-Dumping Message Fjord Girl: I didn't write this, my cousin did when my ex-husband decided he wanted out in December 2004. I thought it had gotten lost in the archives of my life, but I just found it in the last corner of my mailbox.
It's long, but I thought I could share, I think it's pretty good. I wonder if he ever read it, she was one pissed lady when she wrote it.
It is always difficult to begin, but it's definitely easier when the mask of the internet is on. I think you're the most indicated person to affirm this. Masks hide our inner reality; when those masks fall off, as it has happened now, the reveal the great fear we feel when we have nothing good to show. The more they uncover how little we have to give, the more we become arrogant and agressive because we use that part of our brain less evolved, the one that comes from reptiles. What is your concept of strength and power based on? On hiding your capacity to socialize and grow like the rest of people? Was your relation with your mother so castrating that it kept you from being able to establish sane relationships based on personal growth and mutual projection?
It is always easier to let ourselves go after a component of love, the Eros, that virtual Eros generated by words, ephemere, short lasting, that makes us love someone today and hate them tomorrow. It never trascends to the "Philia" and the "Agape", absolutely necessary to grow and to keep relationships alive. Maybe because of this, and based on the type of relationship your mother taught you, possession and selfishness will be the base of your relations, but you definitely gave the best you can from what you were taught, and this only shows either your great incapacity to learn, or your ignorance. That is why the value of a human being gets inverted in your mind, and who always appeared as the weak person, in your pre-established concepts, comes out victorious like the good human being she is, showing dignity and wisdom. On the other hand, the person who's wrong hides behind his inability and is so short of maturity that he is able to end up a relationship through an e-mail.
Words are powerful, for they are the materialization of our thoughts, and our thoughts are a way to keep our relationship with God. That's why words are equally dangerous and they must be impeccable (out of sin). Your words are the reflect of your weakness; we project unto others what we have inside and I'm not the only one who says it, but all those who have studied the human conduct. What is it that you hate so much about yourself that you're projecting it to B and wants you to make it appear as her biggest flaws? Who is the dependant person here? Could it be that this dependence is absurdly yours and that putting your mother as a messenger, so you don't face your own problems, is the best proof of your weakness, incapacity, dependence and lack of decision?
Intentions and thoughts are seeds in our lives and they make up our destiny. Day by day, when life hits us the wrong way, we don't have to ask why, for life is wise, and we only harvest what we seed. What are you going to harvest, then? It can only generate a feeling toward you that isn't rage, that isn't hate. It's pity, it's compassion. The mask has fallen off and you're just a child full of fear who doesn't know what to do, who doesn't know what to decide; who prefers to run away instead of facing the reality that you're a socially pathological human being. But that's not the problem, there are many socially pathological people; the problem is not having the necessary background to learn a lesson and grow. When we look back and into our spirit and there is nothing, what is our life going to be? A fall after another without being able to get up. I don't think you will ever be able to begin a stable and relatively normal relationship when you don't recognize what is wrong with yourself, when you believe that love is a feeling you turn on and off like the light in a room, with a switch, when you believe that loneliness and schizoid isolation are a way of living.
Continued...
Re: The After-Dumping Message Fjord Girl: Part II
What is it that you have received? What are the bases of your life? That is the greatest difference between you two. Any relationship has the potential to end, but the difference lies in the way it ends and the way each person acts. God, in His Infinite Wisdom, drives B away from the life of a human being who hasn't been able to know himself, who hasn't worked hard to seed, to give, to receive. A human being who doesn't know how to express his needs as an adult, who is not able to solve his problems and who feels threatened by the greatness of spirit of the person he's with, and leaves his inner power to material things. Do you have a real reason to feel proud? All material things, from our bodies to our money, are passenger, borrowed, they are tools, not achievements. When all this is gone, what are you going to have? What are you going to base your success and your happiness on if you're capable of generate immense pain and hurt to the person you, yourself, chose to spend your life with?
If you died tomorrow, what are you going to present before God? The solde in your bank account, the success of the company you work for, your flowers? Where is LOVE, the one and only real commandement? That love that is able to sacrifice our own happiness for the one of our significant other, the love that you cultivate each day, the love you're thankful for every day and the one which finally allows you to heal our soul and find happiness.
To love is to enjoy the person we love without anguish and with kindness. Love allows us to be happy because of our loved ones' happiness. The love we feel for those who make part of our lives, the people we've eaten with, laughed with and shared also the very important things with. This complicity creates such solid affective bonds that our existence can only feel completed because of the proximity of our significant other. That is what love is, and I hardly believe you will ever be able to feel it because you need a lot of work and you need to cultivate yourself the same way the flowers you work with are cultivated. What an irony! Knowing so much about flowers and not knowing how to cultivate your spirit and your relationships.
All the pain you're causing now will bounce and touch your life in the same way. It's sad, but that's the reality and that's what we have to think about before doing things. That's why, and to finish this message, the only thing I can express now is my pity because one day, in a holiday season like this one, you will have to remember and regret the pain you've caused.
Re: The After-Dumping Message Fendann: Wow....that's about all I can say.....wow....
Re: The After-Dumping Message Fjord Girl: She's one smart woman. And what can I say? My family loves me. ;D
Re: The After-Dumping Message darkrose: Wow.
I should send that to the stbxw. Sounds like exactly the punch in the mouth she needs...
