My Story blue1976: I met my soon to be ex husband when I was seventeen years old. We dated for a short while and lost touch for several years. Although we went our separate ways I always had feelings for him and never really forgot him.
By the time we met up again he had been married and divorced with a child and I had had a child as well. We had a short dating period and married exactly one year from our second first date. Our courting period was the greatest and he was the most wonderful thoughtful person. As soon as we got married he did a complete turn around. He was no longer the thoughtful person I had been dating and fell in love with. He pitted my step daughter and myself against each other and made sure she thought that I was an idiot and she did not have to listen to me.
I had many second thoughts during our first year of marriage but convinced myself I was not giving the situation a chance.
Nothing really changed over the next four years but we both dealt with it. I had decided to leave in our 2nd year of marriage be was convinced we could work things out. Nothing changed and the anger and fighting continued.
Over the last year things seemed to be getting a little better, I received flowers for Valentines day, a Christmas present, and a birthday present (things I had not been give since our courting.) He went to a family reunion in August and came back a changed person. I found out later that he met and got involved with someone at this reunion. Of course the idea of him finding someone else was bad enough but the fact he might be somehow related makes me sick on a daily basis.
We had a confrontation shortly after he got back. He blamed me for everything under the sun. I left with my son because he had nowhere to go and I did.
Since leaving he has been very angry and short with me like I actually did the wrong thing. He has had his other woman in my house on two separate occasions, and he goes to see her every other weekend. He won't let me into the house to get my personal belongings and only contacts me when he wants something.
The whole situation is very hard to deal with. I took my marriage vows seriously and I can't move on until the divorce goes through, which will take several months. The thought of being replaced breaks my heart and I just don't know what to do with myself.
I still have several of the friends we met together in the marriage supporting me but it's hard to deal with not having a husband to come home to and talk with. Is there any coping methods that will help with the lonely feelings, the hurt feelings, or the endless days and nights?
Re: My Story iya: Hi Blue,
i am sorry that you are having such a hard time and i definately feel your pain. from the brief description of your spouse, he sounds sort of like my husband and i can tellyou right now, my husband has recently been diagnosed with a mental illness called BPD, thats borderline personality disorder. people with this illness goes from loving their spouse to treating them like crap all the time kind of like a jackle and hyde type personality. you may want to look it up to see if the signs may make you think about your stbxh or not. at least that will help you understand what went wrong if it was mental illness related. i know that not every lousy spouse here are mentally ill, but you never know. hang in there and although i know its awful right now, there is going to be a brighter tommorrow. you should also be thankful that you did not have a child with him, it could always be worst.
Re: My Story sosad05: I am sorry to hear of your situation. Have you consulted with an atty? Is the house in just his name or yours too? You should be able to get a police escort to retrieve your belongings.
The best thing you can do right now is focus on you and your son. Try to surround yourself with positive people. It will be hard. You are about to be on an emotional roller coaster. But, at least know that you've found a place where we understand.
Keep posting. (((HUGS)))
