Re:Last Night cloud: Nova,
I agree with Christy's post.
If she is adamant about her decision, there's not much you can do and any persuading would probably push her farther away.
I understand the anniversary thing and you should do what you feel in your heart without going overboard. A card or flowers or something would show you feel the day is still special, regardless of the circumstances. Just don't expect any reciprocation--because if you do, you'll only be setting yourself up for possible disappointment.
Give her some time and space and decide how best to pursue talking with her. Give yourself the time and space as well to catch your breath if you can and even out your emotions--if that's possible in such a difficult time.
You can't stop her from pursuing a life away from your marriage or slow down her ideas about other relationships. She may soon enough see that it's not all that it's cracked up to be and that she had a better life with you. Only she can come to that realization and she's more likely to do that if you can remain as strong as possible while also being open to talking about things with her.
The down side is that being open means being vulnerable and you run the risk of an emotional rollercoaster where you can't find any chance for inner peace until she reconciles or until you get through the grieving/healing process of the divorce--which takes time.
Cloud
Re:Last Night jason_stl: Nova,
If you give her space and she has sex with her new fling, could you handle it emotionally? That is the risk you run by giving her space, because from what you wrote, she sure as hell isn't going to be thinking about you much. At least she is committed to something and isn't stringing you along (sorry, but I try to make the best of everything).
Figure out what you will and will not put up with in your life. If a physical affair would be the end of everything, then you might as well throw in the towel. If you are one of those that can get over that type of betrayal, then more power to you.
Good luck.
Re:Last Night nova: Thanks everyone for the honest and great advice!
I think I will leave her a card tomorrow - just to let her know I'm thinking of her.
I'm not sure I could get over her cheating on me. Even though I know she is/will be doing that very soon. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think of it. She would have to be very sincere in her apology, as I have been in my apology for my faults.
I'll let you know if she responds to the card at all - even though I'm not expecting her to respond, I'm still a bit hopefull. However, after the card I'm planning on not contacting her again and giving her space, and then try to do things for myself.
Re:Last Night cloud: Nova,
Do the best you can and don't make any promises about not contacting her.
If after a few days, you have to call her because she isn't calling you and the anxiety is tough, call her--just think about what you want to talk about beforehand so you don't find yourself giving up your heart on the phone.
It's a little like a drug habit, you know? You can't give up the habit in one day, you may have to sort of ween yourself off of the relationship over time if things aren't moving toward reconciling.
Good luck!
Re:Last Night Safetykc: Very good advice Nova from a lot of people here that have been through this.
As cloud says if you feel like you have to contact her do it, but as Jason says...right now she is in a different emotional place and will probably not be very responsive.
Usually the leaver in a situation is MONTHS ahead of the person left. They have already thought through what they are doing and why and you are still in the "shock and awe" phase right now as your relationship seemed to crumble so quickly.
Even if she is unwilling to consider counseling consider it for yourself. It helped me immensely and i had a similar situation in my marriage. X wanted the free single life she felt she was missing out on.
Good luck and hang in there.
Safety
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