pulling self up by bootstraps thelovelybones: I thought that maybe I should post my story.
I naively got married too young,to someone I don't think I knew well enough.My family disliked him,but he meant the world to me.
He said weddings were a waste of money,so we never had a real wedding.He said a good wedding does not make a good marriage.
I was full of youthful hope and optimism.I was naive.I would never have a marriage like my parents marriage.
After becoming married,he no longer supported me in education or any of my endeavors.I was just a drone there to serve him.He would sabotage any attempts for me to do anything with my life.He isolated me from family and friends.He became verbally abusive.He wrecked my car,and trashed my things.He said that he was never in love with me,but got married anyways and would figure out these feelings later (lol).
We moved several thousand miles away from my family. He became abusive there.Not only was it like my parent's marriage,it was worse.He punched me in the face,tried to choke me,and locked me outside of house in the winter.He had addictions which were controlling his life.He picked fights so he would have a reason to not come home,or to take his frustration/problems out on me.I was in a bad situation,I didn't know where I could go.He had successfully isolated me from a lot of my friends and family.He did untold de-humanizing and humiliating things to me.He was also having what I strongly suspect was an emotional affair.
But as a stranger said,you'd better leave now,or you'll leave later in a body bag.He would not take part in any holiday,ever,even birthdays.
I had set into a deep depression and I felt at the lowest of the low,I was just doing good breathing.Once he crossed the line in the sand,and became abusive,I lost all respect for him.I knew I could never love/look at him the same way again.If he has the potential to be like that,its not something I want part of.I felt numb and still feel numb,although sometime now I am angry of the way I allowed myself to be treated.I did stand up for myself a few times,but that made it worse.
I left him.I knew this wasn't the way things were meant to be.And come what may,nothing could ever be worse than this.I just had to escape the pain of an every day hell.
Right now I am getting my life back on track,and it's been hard,but I have learned a lot about myself.I actually look forward to waking up in the morning.
Re: pulling self up by bootstraps brielle123: Wow...I really think that was uncalled for. Not everyone here pokes fun here at you like this thelovelybones. It's really nothing to joke about. You suffered more than I can ever imagine....it must have been a horific experience for you to go through.
You obviously took a HUGE step by leaving him, you realized the severity of his actions, and how he could have eventually been a threat on you life. In fact, you are lucky that you didn't die as a result of his abuse.
Psychologically it is a hard thing to get over and understand. In your situation you are dealing with extremely emotional factors. You have been a victim of abuse and you are dealing with the grief of the loss of your relationship, as unhealthy as it was. You really have a lot on your plate and it is easy to see why you have had a difficult time
I wish you the best of luck, continue taking care of yourself like you are trying to do right now :)
Re: pulling self up by bootstraps flizmo_kid: Bones, you did the right thing. You are looking out for yourself, and that is the right thing to do. He is an insecure Bast##d who has no place on the higher rungs of the evolutionary ladder. Take heed in the strength that you have shown to make a new life. You will make a difference for yourself going forward. hearing about the abuse he put you through really gets me angry, because I can not tollerate those who take out their frusrtations, insecurities, or moral shortcomings on others. Especialy those who descecrate marriage by entering into it lightly... I offer my support, and will get off my soap box now...
Re: pulling self up by bootstraps idocsteve: I am very happy for you that you are no longer in an abusive relationship. Although you mourn the loss of the relationship, you will be healthier and happier in the long run. You will also be warmer. ;)
