Re:Old Member New Found Strength?? picadilly: Leem! big *HUGz* to you & your daughter
It's always good to hear from the older members, sometimes I feel things are changing so fast, members come & go. Some without a word, I'm glad your back to update us.
I don't think I can add more then my support of you then what has been said in the other posts. Just remember what Cristy said, He needs to be the one to admit & honestly want to change his ways. His going to an AA meeting & telling them he wants to change but not really doing anything about it is no good. No good for you, no good for himself & ultimately no good for his daughter.
Take care of yourself & your little one. Time to think of her well being over his now, he's a grown up & should be able to look after himself & his own mistakes.
Peace & love to you.
Re:Old Member New Found Strength?? incoherentlonghorn: Hey Leem,
I just wanted to say that if you had enough strength to walk by that man kissing his OW with your daughter present, then you CAN do this.
My husband was only an Abuser but he also had trememdous control over me. We have been separated a year in August and I have more control over my life than EVER. I feel great. I let go and didn't reconsider from that point forward. Please keep in mind whether you want your daughter to grow up in that environment.
I think you have done an amazing job protecting for her so far. Great job!
Hang in there...it gets better,
LL
Re:Old Member New Found Strength?? leem03: Thanks again for your support. I went to another Alanon meeting last night. I actually spoke this time & darn it, I tried so hard not to cry, but there is just too much emotion for me to keep inside. So luckily they always have a box of kleenex handy. I feel better just going, like I'm finally starting to do something to better myself. Everyone gave me a hug afterwards and said to keep coming. That I was so strong & so brave just to be there. It reminded me alot of OJAR. Even though we aren't all face to face, it's the same type of support.
The sad thing is, I really still want my husband back. He is actually getting himself back together somewhat now. Granted it's only been a few days, but he's done more in these few days than he has in the last two years to get back to his old ways. I want to think of it as my pushing him into it by kicking him out. Maybe it was the shove he needed. Either way, he's made no mention of wanting to come to me. He cried the last three days and told me how sorry he is and how much he doesn't want to be staying at her place......BUT come on now.....I don't believe him. I want to believe him so badly.
Do any of you know any people who have really been at death's door for a relationship to have it one day come back together? Maybe it's wishful thinking. I really don't think he'll come back, but I so want him to. The him that he's trying to become again, not the drunk one he has been. But then I think of how sad it is of me to continue to want a man who has been nothing but a total JERK over the last two years. But if he really is serious about getting himself together this time, I want to be there. I want to be the one cheering him on & holding his hand & laying in bed to him at night....is that so wrong??? Or is it really time to throw in the towel? Obviously he seems to be telling me so, because he is staying at her place....so I need to get a grip on reality, right????
Gosh...I know you guys don't really know that answer, but I wish someone did. Because I would continue to wait another two years if I could have the man I loved back with me.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Re:Old Member New Found Strength?? ChristyM: [quote"> Because I would continue to wait another two years if I could have the man I loved back with me.[/quote">
Don't you think you answered your own question here? I think if you still love him and want to be with him, then you want to save your marriage. You'll know in your heart when you can take no more Leem and I don't get from your posts that you are to that point yet. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be with the person you fell in love with and married. I think the majority of us on this board wanted to see our marriages work.
Christy
Re:Old Member New Found Strength?? leem03: Thanks for the kind words Christy. I continue to get text messages & him singing songs to me on my voice mail etc. Wedding songs to break up songs to moving on songs. It's all just so confusing. I know he's in a strange place right now. He really is doing well as he's stopped drinking every night and actually working. (Again we work together...not easy situation when we're fighting). He hasn't really worked in such a long time (Sales ie. BS-er). I'm actually very proud of him. I can see changes come about & I see sneak peaks of the man I fell in love with, making this stupid situation even worse.
The bad thing though, he's still staying at the OW's. So obviously what the heck is wrong with me? Move On!! But he tells me that they really are JUST FRIENDS now. He goes there, because I kicked him out & he can seriously be just friends with her & not worry about looking at someone and seeing all of the hurt he's caused. He has a lot of guilt for the things he's done to hurt our family. Ususally all as a result of his drinking episodes. The affair with her...drinking episode.....kissing at the water....drinking episode. But come on now, how much is really the drinking and how much is real feelings??????????
Man I know I really should get tough here & not talk to him, but it's hard now that he's attempting to get his life back together. The bad thing is that part of me believes him about her being just a friend. I never really felt worried about her. She was just an obstacle in his drunk, bipolar world. If he can get his drinking & emotions in order, I really think we can be happy together again.
It all sounds stupid, doesn't it. I mean how much crap can one person take regardless of the reasons?
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