Re: Trust Issues alonewith2: [quote author=darkrose link=topic=35556.msg377120#msg377120 date=1159903650">
I trust until I'm given a reason not to. I think that's actually my problem. Well, that and I trust THE WRONG PEOPLE.
[/quote"> [quote author=Spike link=topic=35556.msg377125#msg377125 date=1159904154">
Trust is earned, it's a process, an ongoing process actually. To just trust someone until they give you a reason not to, is setting yourself up for being a sucker. To distrust everyone makes you a paranoid freak. To give a person a chance to earn your trust, is the dating game. Little challenges, to reassure yourself, and bigger ones that prove they can be trusted is what relationship building is all about. Now, to go one step further, after your trust has been earned, is it forever? NO!!!! Make sure you challenge it every now and then, to trust blindly, will bring you back here over and over.
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I'm somewhere in the middle of these two view points. I give trust freely at the beginning of a relationship until it is undeserved, but I do find myself once in awhile wanting to reassure myself through those little challenges that Spike speaks of.
It seems every SO I've ever had cheated on me in some way. But I continued to trust openly. Even with all my stbx did to me, I still wanted to trust him...and I gave him that trust continuously until my trust was left buried under all his lies even after it was all said and done.
I still like to trust openly from the start, but I do find myself every now and then wanting to "check" to make sure it's still there.
Re: Trust Issues alonewith2: [quote author=someone0356 link=topic=35556.msg377136#msg377136 date=1159905067">
"I still like to trust openly from the start"
Maybe you should rethink this then. I use to be that way too. The users, liars and cheaters see you coming from miles away. They have radars for people that they can use.
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Perhaps, but that could be why I now feel the need to challenge it once in awhile... ;)
Re: Trust Issues icwtsmnl: [quote author=big_daddy link=topic=35556.msg377109#msg377109 date=1159902591">
I've never been a trusting person by nature.
People start with me at a neutral point. From there, they either earn trust, or they lose it. No one in this world, other than my kids, starts out with my trust.
Is it fair? Is it right? Nope. But its how I am. Particularly now.
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me too.
Re: Trust Issues big_daddy: [quote author=Spike link=topic=35556.msg377125#msg377125 date=1159904154">
Trust is earned, it's a process, an ongoing process actually. To just trust someone until they give you a reason not to, is setting yourself up for being a sucker. To distrust everyone makes you a paranoid freak. To give a person a chance to earn your trust, is the dating game. Little challenges, to reassure yourself, and bigger ones that prove they can be trusted is what relationship building is all about. Now, to go one step further, after your trust has been earned, is it forever? NO!!!! Make sure you challenge it every now and then, to trust blindly, will bring you back here over and over.
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I'm with Spikey all the way on this one.
Re: Trust Issues pharmer: My wife (married >10 years) recently had an affair. Maybe it was only emotional – her story – but certain things happened which suggest more. After I found out we went to counseling, discussed some issues, and realized we loved each other a lot. I never found out what truly happened (I don’t believe) which contributed (initially) to a complete lack of trust. This has gradually gotten better to the point where I don’t get nervous every time she goes to the store. Still don’t trust 100%, but overall, after the affair, the relationship has become much better.
More recently, a couple things have happened which are leading me to believe she may be in contact with him. I am in a constant battle, trying to convince myself that I am over-reacting and that all of these things mean nothing. It is really hard though. As you have mentioned, you don’t get burned after such a long time knowing someone and end up jumping right back in the game, trusting someone 100%.
I wish it was different. I wish I could let it go and ignore these little suspicious incidents. Trust is earned over time; I have learned this first hand. Right after her affair if my wife went to WalMart I thought she was meeting him somewhere. I look back and think how ridiculous I was. These recent incidents have knocked me back a step. Not to where I initially was the first time around but I still am nervous about what might happen. I guess it’s just human nature to be vigilant about how others treat us. Nobody wants to be played for a fool.
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