I hate that he still gets to me! Steph1973: My STBX called me Saturday morning and told me he wanted to come pick up some of his stuff. Well, I had plans for the day but I put them off so that I would be there at the house when he showed up. I just didn't want him to start any crap with my parents which would probably result in someone going to jail. I just didn't want to have to deal with that, so, like the idiot I am, I let him have his way. We got in a huge arguement on the phone. He told me that he didn't care if I lived or died and that he had found a better woman. Blah, blah, blah. I told him he was a piece of sh*t and he went out and found another piece of sh*t to screw around with. Of course, that didn't go over too well. He kept getting ugly and I kept hanging up on him. So then he left ugly messages on my voice mail. He is such a jerk!!!!
I went home and augmented some of his stuff with my dad's drill. I was so angry I couldn't see straight. I know I shouldn't have done it and I kind of regretted it later but at least it is something that is fixable, once he finds out about it. *smile* He showed up at the house with OW and her youngest son in tow. They stayed in the car but still, it's like he has no respect for me when he brings her to my house. Such a sleestak! I got all the rest of his clothes and other crap together so he won't have to come back for anything else until he/they get their own place. I got a little upset when he left. I was so mad at myself for that. I haven't cried over him in almost 2 weeks. He doesn't deserve my tears. I told him that he wasn't good enough to lick the dirt off the bottom of my shoes. Why does he still get to me? I have to just cut off all contact with him. I really don't want to see him or talk to him if I don't have to. He still expects me to be at his beck and call even though we aren't together. When I told him that the world didn't revolve around him, he told me "Yes it does, so get used to it." He really thinks that I should just bow to his will when he pleases.
I just happened to mention that I had joined the choir at church and he started to ask me all kinds of questions about who I talked to and other crap like that. I just kept telling him it was none of his business. I told him that I have a life now that doesn't have anything to do with him. I do things and go places that he knows nothing about. He really didn't like that. I told him I was happier now than I had been in a long time. I don't think he liked that either. Tough! I just can't believe I stayed with him for so long. I told him that if it was so bad when he was with me, he should have just left instead of cheating on me for months behind my back. I guess he just wanted his cake and eat it too. Have a wife who supports you and takes care of you and then a girlfriend on the side for everything else. He is such a Sh*tA**!
Why can't I just be cool, calm and collected? Why do I even care? He's gone and I don't want him back so why can't I just stop caring about him?
Sorry for the long ramble, just had to get that out.
Re:I hate that he still gets to me! picadilly: heh, it isn't easy letting go. We all know that, thats why venting is so important, to let it all out, even if no one replies it's therapy just to get it out in the open.
You care because for a while, you were both in love. You have memories of the good that co-mingle with his image to put a bit of a rose tint on him when you think about it. I'm sure there are enough bad memories that exist too but those are not the ones we usually choose to remember. This is why Love is so much more powerfull then Hate. No one wants to hate, but everyone wants to Love.
This also shows that your human. It'll take some time to not feel that hurt or resentment of him. & if you still have contact this will be even worse when he does stupid things like bringing the OW with him... does he need the moral support or something? Of course not, he's just brining her along because he knows it hurts you. He's using her like he is using you. I say throw the rest of his crap over to Goodwill & have him "buy" them back from the goodwill thrift shop! :) evil...
Anyway, hang in there, eventually he'll be out of your hair & be the OW problem. You deserve someone that loves you & only you.
Be well.
Re:I hate that he still gets to me! ChristyM: I feel for you Steph as does everyone else on this board that has gone through this crap. You still "care" because like Pic said, you both loved each other once. It's hard when they're so smug and condescending. The thing that will get him the most is for you to try and stay calm and act like it doesn't bother you. I realize that's easier said than done, but it will bug the sh*t out of him, trust me.
You're right, he doesn't deserve you, but he is the OW's problem now, not yours. It's hard for humans to not want the upper hand and feel like we were the winners in every situation. It's odd how we can rationalize and logically know we don't want that person back, but the sheer fact they "dumped" us just drives us batsh*t. We have to prove to them we are better off without them and we will go to great lengths to do that. Don't let him drive you crazy and quit going out of your way for him. Get all vestiges of him out of your life so you can move on once and for all.
You will make it!!!!
Christy
Re:I hate that he still gets to me! Safetykc: I agree with Pic and Christy.
The anger and bitterness are what comes from love turned sour.
Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. This is still all now and he is rubbing your nose in it in a lot of ways by having the OW and son come with him when he comes over.
Try to take the high road and remain calm and you will get through this. We have all been through this in different ways and we all have our "sleestaks" but the joyous thing Steph is that we get to wake up every morning and be us, they have to wake up every morning and be the sleestaks...with the itchy skin and such....hee hee
Hang in there and you will make it!!!
Take care and BIG hugs!
Safety
