My brother superwife: Yesterday was 'his' day. October 2, 1994. My brother ended his life, at the age of 25. My life was just beginning, and I thought his was too. I had just gotten married (1st time) 10 weeks before. I had just received my Nursing State Board results 5 days before. I failed the exam. There I was, newly married, just started a job as an RN. And boom!!! It all came crumbling when I failed the exam. Got let go from the job, had no means to support my new husband (who was in law school). I thought it couldn't get much worse. Then it did...5 days later.
This year was not bad. It has gotten easier, over the last 12 years. I have a lot on my plate right now, so I didn't have time to wallow about it. I was home alone last night, but I was okay. Some days, out of nowhere, it hurts. The holidays are worse then the 'anniversary' day. Some days when i look at my daughter, it hurts. She never met him. She only knows of him thru pictures and stories about when we were kids. She is very matter of fact about him...'that's b, mommy's brother. he's in heaven'.
I'd have to say, at this point, it hurts me the most when I am feeling depressed. I can't help but think if this is how he felt, and what exactly pushed him over the edge. And they say typically that wehn the person finally decides to do it, they are at peace with their decision. They are not actively depressed. Or was he so f*cked up at the time he did it? Then i wonder, how f*cked can you be, and still accomplish the task? he had the means (he was a cop).
I just pray that I never feel like he did. I just know that, of everything I have ben through (his death, and 2 divorces and major career issues), last year was probably the worst I ever felt. But I felt like I dealt with it better last year than during my previous bout (about 10 yrs ago). This time I feel like I need to (for my daughter). And I know I made it through the last bout. And I often wonder how much heredity really plays a role.
I just wish we knew how he felt, so we could have intervened.
Re: My brother big_daddy: *hug*
I don't know what else there is to say. :-\
Re: My brother Cherry: I know there is nothing I can say that will make it hurt less. I understand how you feel. 2 days before my senior year of high school my father decided to take his own life. I dulls but never quits hurting. (((HUGS)))
Re: My brother mariher: I can't say anything that will guarantee you feeling better but I will tell you about my brother Superchick.
He's 7 years older than me. His name is Eddie. My mom had 4 kids by the time she was 28 yrs old and my dad was not in the picture. It was hard for us growing up and we struggled always. My brother got heavily into drug use and even selling it. Eventually he was snabbed by an undercover cop and spent 3 years Upstate serving time in prison. When he finally got out, we helped him as best we could to move on and try starting fresh and for a while he was doing good. He even got engaged and had a little boy, Eddie Jr. I don't know what it was exactly that happened but everything fell apart for him all over again. My brother is now at probably one of the worst points in his life right now. He's jobless, he drinks too much, and i know he suffers for my nephew because he doesn't see him anymore. Sometimes I feel like my brother might take his life too because he's been thru so much. But I don't know what to do to try being there for him and making see that he's loved and needed (my daughter loves him immensely).
What I want to ask you is...if you had known from the start how your brother was feeling, what do you think you would have done to try getting through to him or show him that you loved him? I don't know how to go about it and after reading your post I realize that our situations are quite similar. Thanks for reading... :)
Re: My brother anewday: I wish I had something to say that could help you feel better but I can't. (((hugs))))
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