What should I/we do? terriblething: I've been dating my BF for a few years. It's been serious- we've talked about marriage and kids. The relationship has had some problems- I won't go into all of them but he cheated on me about a year ago with an XGF and I forgave him. He's also had a problem with lying although it seems to be getting better, I know he is trying but we still have major trust issues. We broke up a couple of months ago and I was dating someone else. I was honest with him but I lied about sleeping with him. The problem is that now I want to work it out with him, but he is angry and acting crazy about the other guy. I don't have ANY feelings at all for the other guy, and I feel that since we were broken up he shouldn't be so angry with me. I AM sorry for not being honest, but he is such a hothead I was afraid of what he would do! (he's never hit me and I don't think he would but I was afraid he'd do after the other guy) He doesn't trust me anymore and I'm not sure that's fair. And I still don't trust him.
But the problem is that we love each other very much. Is there anything that can be done to fix this?
Re: What should I/we do? crushedman: WOW!
Your sitch is so close to mine it's scary. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be shocked if you are my GF/XGF.
I think the answer to your questions is 'it depends'. The devil is always in the details. Do you believe that both of you can put these things past you? Can you make an agreement that throwing these things in each others' faces during fights is off limits? Are both of you willing to be an open book to each other so you restore trust? Do you think that both of you can be trustworthy in the future?
By the way, I can speak to this very situation and give you some insight into your BFs mind because it's exactly what happened to me (she began dating 2 days after we broke up). You may not have cheated, but for me that was little to no consolation. I was incredibly devestated. I felt that my XGF didn't have any respect for me or the relationship, that I meant nothing to her. I felt second best and I still do a lot of the time. She doesn't want to talk about it because she wants to put it behind us, but I feel so left out and in the dark about the factors and reasons behind her decisions. Why don't you write him a letter to try and help him understand? If you are gentle and show him you are sorry, he will most likely be willing to work with you on the trust issues that YOU have. But first you may have to give him something.
cm
Re: What should I/we do? Deadinside: Love is not enough, love without trust is just a lot of heartbreak in the future. If you have already been with someone else and your bf has cheated on you, are really together out of love or fear? Also, you already know your bf is dishonest (even though he is working on it) the combination of a cheater who is good at being dishonest means there will never be trust. In my opinion 1. DON'T GET MARRIED
2. Decide if living in this situation is really the best thing for you, are you passing up a potentially great love to be with a bf you can't trust? 3. Don't have any kids with him until all the problems are worked out, you don't want to bring any children into a already bad situation.
Sorry, I know this sounds negative, but trust me, I was married to an excellent liar and a cheater he wasted 4+ years of my life, don't waste yours on someone who isn't good enough for you and won't add any real benefit to your life.
