Some questions for you all... sillyjane: Hi all,
I'm new here. This looks like a really helpful board. You all seem to be such warm people.
I think I may be coming from a different side than many of the posts here, as in my relationship I am the person who is most considering ending things. My husband and I have been married for about 11 months. We've been together for over three years. I adore him. I've never loved anyone as much as I love him. However, throughout our relationship I've had worries. I've always felt as though if I brought up something that was bothering me in the relationship he would be devasted. Whenever I did try to talk about something he'd accuse me of wanting to break up with him. I think because of this, I kept far too much to myself. Things came to a head recently.
Most of my worries surround my age and place in life. I'm only 23, and while I don't believe there is a perfect age to get married, I feel that there are a lot of undeveloped parts of myself. I've never lived alone, for instance, and I feel strongly that it's important for me to know that I can. Also, within the marriage I feel that it is very difficult for me to develop as an individual. So much of my life is lived with my husband. There is little time for me to experience the world alone.
But then again, I love him to death. I read through the posts on this forum and see the pain I could cause him by leaving him to explore myself. I can't bear to do that to him. Yet, will our marriage always be overshadowed by the hopes I never fulfilled when I was younger, if I just stay with him?
Ugh. I just don't know what to do. Any insight at all would be greatly appreciated... Thanks.
Re: Some questions for you all... TarheelMike: Hello.
I married young, too. Probably too young. But I'll say this, there's just as much in the world - if not more - when you're married as there is when you're single.
You should probably consider some counseling. Preferably together... if he's concerned about the marriage, I'd think he'd go with you, but if he won't - like *cough* SOME stubborn guys - go by yourself.
You owe it to him to explore every avenue of making the marriage work and then some. And there better not be another guy in the picture either.
Re: Some questions for you all... trying to cope in Ky: I do understand where you are coming from there. I got married at 19 and loved my husband greatly. BUT I missed out on alot of growing up. I had never done things that most teenagers do and when I turned 30 it was like I was going through this midlife crises. Let me tell you tho after I did all the things I never did before I made a bad decision. I am now alone on my own with 5 beautiful children. Was scared to be alone as I went straight from my parents home to living with my husband. I had to overcome alot to get to where I am now. If you have a man who loves you and supports you then think twice about what you want. I was more miserable without my husband than I was with him and I regret what I did just to try and regain my teen years. The grass isn't greener on the other side once you have crossed it. You will hurt him and you will live with the guilt for a very long time. Trust me it isn't worth it.
Well, that is my 2 cents. Wish you all the luck in the world.
Confused in Ky
Re: Some questions for you all... hr: I might be mistaken here, but the main problem I am seeing in your post is communication problems. If you can't communicate your feelings for fear of devastating him I think you two need some form of counseling. It is called walking on eggshells syndrome and that is no way to live. You can see and do things that you think you are missing out on from inside the marriage. All people need to have their own identity in the marriage. Take you time and do those things that you are missing just include him in your plans.
