random vent icwtsmnl: (some of this won't make sense to anyone but me, and I'm PMSing, so don't waste time trying to figure out WTF i'm talking about)
i want to type, to vent, to get out these jumbled feelings. i don't know where to start or what to say. its a mess inside my head. am i happy? am i not? should i ignore the things i'm unhappy about by assuming they'll eventually pass? what if i ignore them but they never pass?
i don't know whats valid anymore. no doubt i'm overly sensitive and get angry more often and intensely than i should, but don't i have the right to get mad at some things? sometimes REALLY mad? i thought this was a new start and everything was going to be ok. now i dont know. i dont know what will ever really change. i dont know what i can put up with. i dont know if there's something better out there. i don't know what to feel on a daily basis, or even on an hourly basis. the conflict and confusion is very tiring. Boring, even. isn't that weird?
my stomach is turning. why did i eat that breakfast? when will i hear about Pf? instability, uncertainty, no direction. am i stupid and naive?
i dont care that youre not saying hello. screw you. and i dont care that i hung up. i'll be freaking sorry when i feel i've done something wrong. oh, i'm nagging? too f--king bad. do what you're supposed to, what you PROMISED, and i won't keep bringing it up. you're a jerk.
i'm going to tackle some of these projects now, so i dont have to dread work so much, so i don't wake up in the night. "what's going on with x? whats going on with y?" everyone stop askng. nothing has changed. so frustrating that things dont change.
Re: random vent drowned: I am sorry ICW.....All I can do is give ya a ((HUG))
Re: random vent icwtsmnl: thanks hun. that helps. :)
Re: random vent icwtsmnl: sorry, i think i'll be ranting all day. blame the PMS.
S, take control of yourself. you let your stupid rant out, now do something. don't let the uncertainties bring you down. there's nothing that can be done right now. You don't have to make any decisions right now.
Take a deep breath. Focus. no, really. FOCUS. send the info, talk to the people about the projects, create the brocure ideas. stop wasting your work time on ojar. you'll never get work done that way.
he'll see it. give it space and maybe he'll see. if you go to MI alone, so what. its your life. stop giving your emotions to everyone else. you faltered last night, but you were great the night before. just practice. do what needs to be done first.
there's nothing you can't do if you try. now just try.
Re: random vent icwtsmnl: you're not going to make my heart pound. your stupid ego and attitude aren't worth it to me. and the games aren't worth it. you called back to fight with me again?? or to make things nice? if it was the latter, you chose an obnoxious way to do it. screw you.
you're back to walking past me in the hall? how fucking old are you? you're an asshole, no different at all from before. i don't need the bullshit, i don't need the stress of wondering what work you're doing or what you're blowing off, of wondering if I have to end it all Jan 1. and i DEFINITELY don't need to go through it all without your support.
keep your stupid dirty looks to yourself. I'm not wrong here. get your inflated head out of your ass and realize it.
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