Lost and Confused Riding_the_Coaster: My husband and I recently got seperated after 10 years of marriage and 15 years together. We met when we were 18. Last year my husband asked me to move out of state. His reason was that he needed a change ??? So I agreed to the move I left my job of 5 years left my house and our 2 children had to leave there friends. 2 months into the move I found out that the reason he wanted to move was because he was having an affair with one of my closests friends. >:( After I found out about the affair I decided to try and work things out but as time went by he lost his job. Started partying all the time and our fights got bigger and bigger. So I finally decided that I was going home. We moved back home and agreed to get seperated. When we first got back everything was great I really didn't miss him or wonder what he was doing. About a month into the seperation he asked me if I would reconsider and try to work things out. So i agreed. I would spend every weekend with him and things were going great I thought. 2 months later in the middle of the night his phone starts to ring. I answer the phone and who is it the OW. She was demanding me to put him on the phone I asked her if she was high. He swore to me nothing was going on. (yeah right). I told him that you can't work things out with me and be friends with her. (It doesn't work that way) Well later that week I he finally admitted to me that he did sleep with her again. He has done nothing but constant lie about everything. Even his own mother is telling me to divorce him. Finally I put my foot down and told him it was over. Now he calls everyday telling me that he loves me and that he wants to work things out. I keep telling him no but it gets harder and harder I want so much to believe that he will change. But deep down I know he won't. it has been 3 weeks since I told him and since that time I ran in to an old friend of mine. Not just any friend either this is a man that when we were younger we had very strong feelings for each other but it was never the right time he was with someone or I was. Now it turns out that he is seperated for the same reasons I am. (what are the odds). So for the past 3 day I have spent a lot of time with him and it is obvouse that the feeling are still there. I want so much to say that I can be with him but on the other hand I want my family to be together. My husband has a lot of issues to work through other than the OW. I know that he is not ready to stop partying. I don't want to hurt my friend I care for him so much. When I am with him I can't stop smiling when I am away from him and he is on my mind I get that roller coaster feeling in my gut and can't wait to talk to him. I really don't know what to do. I keep thinking it is way to soon for me to have these feeling for someone else (isn't it). I just wish I could figure it all out without hurting anyone.
Re:Lost and Confused leem03: Riding--Some old loves never get out of your system. I often wonder what would happen if my first love ever came back into the picture. (wondering now while times are bad). There's just something about old flames, they are so very hard to put out.
I would say you have a lot of serious thinking to do. I surely wouldn't suggest that you jump back into a relationship with the old friend. Let's face it, you are in a very vulnerable position right now. You husband cheated on you. You're obvioulsy not feeling the best emotionally right now. Here comes old friend and he's sweet & says the right things and it's easy to get swept off your feet because you are so badly looking for someone to boost your badly beaten self image. Cheating always does that to people because 9 times out of 10 the first thing we do is wonder what we did wrong for the cheater to go out and do that to us. Like there must be something wrong with you for him to have cheated.
So just be careful. You don't owe it to your husband to take him back. He is the one that did wrong. But just make sure that you give yourself time to really analyze the situation before taking a serious turn with either of the men. There are many marriages out there that have survived after infidelity and many of those people say their marriages are much stronger after that happened.
You have some thinking to do, but try to be honest with yourself, maybe take a weekend away from everyone, both of the men and your kids and just go somewhere to think about what it is you really want in your life. And if either of the men can really give you that.
Good Luck!
Re:Lost and Confused Safetykc: I agree with everything Leem said.
There may truly be something there with this new person, but you obviously are way not in a place emotionally to be able to deal with that.
Give it some time and figure out what YOU want to do and need out of your marriage to either make it work or end it before getting involved with your old flame.
Just my .02.
Take care and sorry you are going through this.
Safety
Re:Lost and Confused Riding_the_Coaster: Thank you both for your opinon. I have told the old flame that we need to take it very slow if he wants this to work. As for the husband, I tried to work it out but he continued to talk to the OW and when I asked him to stop he wouldn't now he playing the vic. here because he found out that I am talking to the old flame. The other night I was with the old flame So now he feels I had an affair. When it wasn't me who ended this marriage. I will keep you all posted on the outcome. Thanks you again
Re:Lost and Confused Safetykc: Coaster,
Sigh...that is what i was afraid of. Now, your husband thinks you were having an affair, which you kind of were, if only of the emotional kind, and you are hurt by his actions and so the hurt, resentment, anger, cycle is just beginning. When all could have been avoided by waiting a little bit before exploring a new relationship.
Sorry it has just gotten more complicated and I hope things work out for everyone involved.
Take care,
Safety
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