The last year has been terrible pmass1779: I was married for 3 and ½ years. My s2bx and I dated for two years before that. In March I discovered she was having an affair with a coworker of hers. It was devastating to say the least. Our marriage had been going down hill ever since she took a new job last August. Looking back, there were so many signs I failed to see.
She started going out more with her coworkers. She said it was her, a few female friends and one male friend that were going out. The male friend turned out to be the one she had the affair with. My s2bx admitted the affair had been going on since December.
As soon as I discovered she was having the affair I went to may bank and moved all of our money to a private account in my name. I also cancelled our credit cards. I then called his s2bx (I found a phone list of my s2bx’s coworkers). I told her what had been going on. She was upset but relieved in a way. I remember her saying that they were having problems and she thought it was her who was doing something wrong. To make things worse, they had an 8 month old baby.
A few days later I discovered my s2bx was doing cocaine as well as other drugs. To what extend I still don’t know. I went to a lawyer and asked him for advice. He told me to get her to sign a financial agreement and let her go. I just couldn’t do that. I told her parents what I knew and we set up an intervention. My s2bx ended up admitting that she was doing cocaine, but really seemed to minimize the usage. Needless to say she was furious with me. But at least she agreed to go to counseling.
Over the next few days we started talking and decided to give it another try. We lasted until the end of June. During that time, I felt like I was the one making all the changes. She would complain about things that seemed so minor. The only thing I asked her to do was look for a new job. You see, one guy in her office she had the affair with, and another guy in the office was supplying her with the drugs. She says she never paid, but I doubt that is true. I don’t want to even think of how she may have paid him.
As you can guess, she never even looked for a new job. She always said she was going to, but she somehow never got around to looking. We finally got to a point where we both knew it wouldn’t work. We decided to get a divorce on a Sunday. She was back with the guy she was having the affair with by Monday. I know this because after we initially decided to work things out, I got her a new cell phone that would allow me to know where she was at all times. I know this is not how one wants to go through life, but I needed piece of mind.
Within one week, we put our house up for sale and it sold in four days. She has since moved into an apartment and I moved home with my parents. I am only planning on being here for couple of months. I don’t want to make any hasty decisions until I am thinking clearly. Plus, I have never lived alone. I always had a roommate or something. I hate being alone and am not looking forward to it..
It has been now been four weeks since she moved into the apartment. I haven’t seen or spoken to her. She did send me a few text messages, to my phone, saying that she still loves me, but I have ignored them. I also haven’t taken any of her calls. In fact, Friday was the closing day of our house. On Saturday, I changed my cell phone number. Now she can’t call me anymore. It is very hard though. I lost my wife, my house and my dog….Probably the three things that meant the most to me. She wanted to do a joint custody of the dog, but I know that would never work.
The pain I have been having is tremendous. It is so hard to just live. Everyday is such a struggle. I know I will get through this, but right now things are really bleak. :-[
Re:The last year has been terrible pkb1300: I want to wish you the best of luck and let you know that living by yourself isn't so bad. I wasn't used to it either before I separated and divorced from my x. I actually rather enjoy it now...the whole coming and going without worrying about "checking in" etc. It also has given me a lot of "me" time to put my thoughts together in my head which has really helped get me through this period. Keep your chin up and best of luck in everything.
PKB
Re:The last year has been terrible Lumpy: Dear pmass,
Sorry to hear about your situation but I think you are going about things the right way. Cutting off all contact with her is the only way to maintain your sanity. Unfortunatly I don't have that luxury as me and the ex hve two children together. Cheating and drug abuse are a nasty combination. The fact that she's still with her lover/drug-dealer says a lot about where her head is at. Know that you are doing the right thing and keep moving on. Divorce is never easy, but sometimes is just necessary. Stay Sane.
Re:The last year has been terrible Good to be ME: pmass Stay strong. I know that it will be hard to not have contact with her and to lose everything that meant anything to you.
I went through the same thing. I lost my appartment I loved, my husband, and my wonderful cuddly cat. It sucks to think that you lost all that...and I know that you are hurting right now. I was too. And even though you won't believe this right now (because I didn't when I first heard it) but time really does heal.
I was with my ex since I was 14 years old (am now 26) so i understand the alone feeling very very well. I moved from my parents house to my appartment with my stbx. But it isn't bad to be alone. It really isn't. I hated it at first...but then I decided that the one person i get along with the best in the world is myself. So I started to do things alone...i would go for coffee alone...go shopping alone. And you know what? I love doing this alone. I like going to a coffee shop and sitting and reading a good book or shoping for things I need. And after you go somewhere often you begin to meet new people and make friends and you are never alone.
AND you will never be alone on this site. These people are very caring and very supportive and helped me a great deal.
Come here and vent if you need to or just to ask a question. We are always here for you :)
Keep your chin up and best wishes to you. You have proved already that you are a strong person by changing your phone number when you didn't want to respond to her text messages.
You will be so much stronger after this. :)
Cheers
Re:The last year has been terrible leem03: Pmass,
First of all congratulations for having the strength to stand your ground and ignore her. Believe me I know all too well how extremely hard it is to stop contact. I honestly think that is one of the hardest things. I really am impressed that you not only ignored her calls and texts but went out and got a new phone number so she can't even call now. I have to admit, I don't think I could do that. Even though I can ignore the calls (at least some of the time) I want to know that he's trying to call me. Maybe it's crazy, but I like to know that he's attempting to get a hold of me and I'm not taking the calls....it makes me feel a little better.
Anyways, you're doing a fantastic job. I really am proud of you because everything you've done is a hard step.
Good luck with everything and I hope you find that you enjoy being by yourself. Because I'm sure you are your own best company!
Click More for the next page.
