Noooo Too Late :: Act II fisherman: So I call her hoping to get this over with, confident that I'll play it cool and hear her out.
The conversation started - and everything she said just seemed to com eout wrong. She did a terrible job of trying to sell herself as worthy to return. It's been almost no time at all since she and the OM have split ways, and here at the 11th hour she wants to reconcile.
So the phone conversation went terribly for her... Then she came over. The whole time she kept her distance, and just seemed way too detached to be convincing. She still had her protective wall up, and still wouldn't tell me how she was feeling....
So I stood up and gave her a hug *that still felt nice*, and she began to shake and sob
uncontrollably... She finally said "I'm sorry"... And for the first time I allowed myself to believe it...
The divorce is still going forward, I will not abdicate no matter what on that front. And if she truly loves me and is will to make things work out, then a fresh start shouldn't be too much to ask.
But I can't help but wonder if it's just an act, a pathetic ploy to get me to call everything off and try again (that won't happen). I know that she can't be trusted - and her actions have not always been consistent with her words - but I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings for her.
What I'm wondering is if these feelings are romantic, or just a mere concern for her well-being. I don't want to see anything bad happen to her - but I can't allow myself to be hurt again either.
I'd like to have a little hope that she'll let the divorce proceed smoothly, and then hold up her end by going to therapy for a year or so. That would show me that she was really genuine - and if we truly are soul-mates, one year's investment towards a life-time doesn't seem too much to ask....
Re:Noooo Too Late :: Act II leem03: Fisherman, I admire you. I hope that things work out for you both in the end if that's what you would like. Of course only after she seeks the help she needs and makes the necessary changes in herself to be the wife you deserve.
I would imagine she kept her distance because she was so unsure of how you would react. She may be telling you the truth this time with her feelings but because of her past actions, she has to know that you are going to be reluctant.
I hope what she's doing is in fact not an act and that you two will find your way back to each other. Because the way I figure it, this board needs a few more happy endings, even if you divorce first and reconcile later!
Good Luck!
Re:Noooo Too Late :: Act II fisherman: It all sounds good - but I know how resourceful the stbx is, and I really think it's just a ploy...
There's only one way she can show me she's serious, and that's to let the divorce go through without issue. That would send a clear message to me that she really does care - and that love can transcend legal ties, pride, and adversity.
There's a lot of pain, fear, and resentment I hold as a result of this experience. It's not unbearable - nor is it very acute, but it's present none the less. And I can't help but realize those feeling are there for a reason, and that reason is for my own protection.
Edit: I will add that she has been attempting this sort of thing for a few weeks - it just hasn't seemed convincing. So I finally let her speak her feelings as a way for her to receive closure... Something I wished she had given me.
Re:Noooo Too Late :: Act II picadilly: Good luck with that fisherman. You sound like you have the resolve to do this. I truly hope she is being honest with you & herself.
Wishing you the best.
Re:Noooo Too Late :: Act II fisherman: On one hand, I have the resolve and can be as distant as I need to be - but on the other I do want her to have hope and think that we are worth working on.
It's such a fine line between rolling over, shutting her out, and giving her just the right amount of hope she needs without taking it for granted.
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