Need advice cloud: Here are the basics: separated from stbx, live in diff. homes now, we have a 3 yr. old son.
Divorce decree is in her hands to sign or change---don't know when I'll get it back or if changes will be requested.
She wants the divorce, I don't. Past couple of weeks I've made a case for why we should stay together. Through talking to her in person, writing her letters, e-mails. Nothing over the top, I've tried not to push her away. She told me I can't push her away any further because she's already gone.
She listens but doesn't seem to waver or consider anything that I say while we talk.
The only progress I've made is that she tells me she is thinking about things. We've spent some time together last weekend, but she came across distant.
Last weekend, I made a generic remark and she told me that we were not getting back together--rather coolly.
I took that remark and I burnt my heart, figuratively, with it so I'd stop being a fool and move on.
Three days later, I get a short email that says that she wants me to know that she is still thinking about us.
What gives? Am I being strung along by her?
I've decided to give her all the space in the world now. She has the decree to sign. I've said all I can do. I told her I needed her help to get over the wall she has created between us. She knows I still love her.
I'm just trying to remove the hope from my heart about things but when she says she still thinks about us, it challenges my emotions.
I realize "thinking about us" means about as much as saying I "wonder about the rain." It doesn't clue me in to any second-guessing on her part and it gives me next to nothing to go on.
Any advice would be great!
Cloud
Re:Need advice cloud: I really could use some advice on the above!
Please help!
Re:Need advice brynne: I guess the question to ask is why are you divorcing in the first place ? What are her reasons / what are your reasons ? Sounds like you could suggest counseling. Let her know this is impt & there is no going back. To complicate things further, you have a child & you don't need to confuse him w/ more.
I would give her a deadline...don't let her string you along indefinately. That's not fair to you, you either need to move on w/ the divorce or get serious about your marriage & go to counseling.
Tough place to be in...I hope I have given you some insight.
Hope
Re:Need advice Good to be ME: cloud I would have to agree with Hope. You need to figure out why you are divorcing in the first place. Have you tried counceling? Or brought it up?
I think you need to have a really important talk with her about the reasons and if there is a chance to work on things. Have you been having problems in the past or is this a sudden thing?
I tried for many many months to get my STBX to go to counsiling with me...or to even go himself but he didn't want to. I was willing to wait and work on things up until he cheated on me.
I know this is a difficult position to be in, but you can't make her do anything that she isn't willing to do. I guess all you can do is talk with her and if she is not willing I don't know what else to advise.
I wish the best for you and your son.
Cheers and chin up :)
Re:Need advice Safetykc: Cloud,
My X-wife acted in a very similar way. Much of this was due to SEPERATION ANXIETY....one minute she was cool about not knowing what she wanted and being happier on her own, the next ranting that I filed so quickly this was all my fault...
I wouldn't read too much into it as she is going through the same ups and downs anyone going through a divorce does, am i making the right decision, do i really want this, etc. etc.
No one but you and she can answer if you should give up hope and unfortunately you are in the unenviable position of having the ball completely in her court as you want to reconcile, she is unsure what she wants...
Only time will tell.
Hang in there.
Safety
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