From Good To Ugly wanger1969: I've been divorced now for 4 months, but I've been out of the house for a year and a half. We originally agreed to both live in the same town so we could split custody, as we have a child together of school age.
However, in the decree, we left it open for either of us to move no more than 200 miles away. Well, I am moving. I got a job offer with the same company, and am moving about 100 miles away. In the decree, it states I maintain custody and he gets visitation.
Needless to say, he's VERY angry at me at this point, says I'm ruining his life, taking away the only thing he has to live for. Our daugter wants to move, as our new home is minutes from my family (3 siblings and their kids, nieces, nephews) Where we are now, she only has mom and dad, and no one else. She's happy about it, I'm happy about it, and I want him to be ok with it. (obviously I don't expect him to be happy) I'll add that the divorce was HIS decision. I wanted to stay married, but eventually gave in and gave him his freedom. HE chose this.
I know its a change for him, but I think I'm doing the best for her and I. I'm not happy here, haven't been for years. I need my family and the support they provide. He signed the decree allowing this, and now he's punishing me for following through. HELP!
How can I deal with this angry dad? I'm not cutting him out, we'll still work out regular visitations, and summers, and vacations and all that. But her quality of life will definitely improve. He's not close to his family, so I know thats why he doesn't see it.
Any advice or thoughts anyone could provide would be great. Thanks! ???
Re:From Good To Ugly Lumpy: Dear Wanger,
I think you did a good job in your post of presenting all the pros and cons here. Seems to me that it was his divorce and he signed the decree in regards to custody then he has little to be angry about. Sounds like you are looking out for the best interests of your child. It's not like he can't move as well. I would suggest being as accomodating to him as you possible can regarding summer vacation and the like but I wouldn't budge otherwise. You have every right (even an obligation) to improve you and your daughters lives at this point. Stay Sane.
Re:From Good To Ugly cloud: Dear Wanger,
I'm a Dad going through a divorce and it scares me to think if my ex moved away with our child.
The divorce isn't my choice in my case, so I do have more emotional ties to my child because she is such a bright spot in all of this and she is all the family I have nearby--and we are a family--her and me, even though I wish my wife wanted to reconcile.
I guess on the bright side it's good that he is so committed to wanting to be in her life. I hope that doesn't fade if you move.
But I do see the positive reasons for your daughter being close to family.
Give him some time. Or you could try and write out for him all the ways that he would be able to see her so he wouldn't think the distance would destroy the relationship he has with her. He might not be seeing it realistically but just feeling the deep loss of knowing his little girl isn't going to be nearby.
Re:From Good To Ugly wanger1969: I tried to talk to him, and I think its all too fresh in his brain. He was angry, and he said he didn't want to talk details or even talk to me at all.
At this point, I'm making myself available, but I'm not going to push the subject.
Our relationship has been very amicable up to this point, and I fear this might push him over the edge. He used the word selfish, which I hate. I'm anything but.
I don't want to take her away, but I too deserve to be happy, and I'm not in my current living arrangement. Our daughter will benefit from this move also. The only one losing is him, but I will be VERY acommodating on the time he gets her at Holidays and vacations from school and summer. I want him to be a part of her life.
Thanks for your honest commentary, I appreciate it.
