Too Late :: Act III fisherman: So as it turns out, a friend of mine calls me this morning and lets me know that she has been threatened by the stbx for spreading lies about her.
This friend is the bartender at a local establishment that the stbx and the OM frequent(ed)... And apparently the OM had a few things to say about the stbx and vice versa.
So it seems the OM called the stbx and had a conversation - and who knows what else...
So I've let the stbx know that I am no longer willing to entertain any form of reconciliation - period. i gave no false pretenses, no piece of hope... She asked is we could still go to a movie tonight (something she suggested last night and I told her maybe at the time), I haven't answered that today, just told her I would call her later when I felt like talking about it.
Problem: my emotions started to boil up again - I cant prevent it and while I don't feel hurt, a piece of me feels dissappointed - yet releived at the same time. I get the "shivers" just having to deal with all this right now - and I haven't had them for a few months so i know this is a dangerous activity for me to be involing myself in.
I've asked the lawyer to get the paperwork together, we'll see if she signs it. She says she needs to talk to her lawyer about it...
I'll keep you posted. ???
Re:Too Late :: Act III fisherman: Hmmm... where to begin. This has been a very stressful day for me in terms of dealing with the stbx....
I spoke to a close friend of hers today - one that I think has a shread of decency. Seems she has indeed broken ties with the OM, but he feels compelled to keep calling her. Evidently there was a scene at work when he called - she told him to never contact her again ???
Now I'm mixed up. I have heard from all of her friends that she isn't doing well, she has a terrible ulcer and is vomiting up to twice daily from it. She's as stressed as she can be - and just generally not doing well at all.
I have agreed to talk with her this weekend, and she asked if we could do something tonight. Talking to her on the phone is a joke - she keeps her wall up and just seems too controlling. In person everything is different. She starts off with the wall, but when she finally takes it down the floodgates open and she pours her heart out.
The children are going to the beach with their grandparents (my parents) this weekend and will be gone all week. She wants to know if we can begin taking baby steps towards each other this week. This weeks is also the hearing - and I've found out from her friend that she doesn't have a lawyer... or at least hasn't retained one consistently.
So maybe we'll go to a movie tonight, and dinner... I've always loved being around her. I can feel myself beginning to slip - as if the above post didn't make that obvious. I think the reason behind is that a lot of the information I'm getting is consistent.
I've also found out that one of my "informants" has been stretching the truth in no small way it seems. What that person's agenda is is simply not clear, but it puts things in a different perspective. My stbx's reputation is ruined, and I think that bothers her... She was always proud of what people thought of her.
If she and I stand a chance, I know that I will need to compromise at some point, that's the hardest part. It seem I know better than to do that - and so I'm sure I'll make an excuse not to. But in doing so may lose my only chance at getting her back...
Do I want her back? I don't know. On some level, yes. One other levels, no. Do I take partial responsibility for the faliure of our marriage? Yes. I do beleive that i failed in some ways to meet her emotional needs, and I beleive I failed to provide her with a level of intimacy needed by someone with such a traumatic past.
But I don;t take responsibility for her giving up and seeking these things outside our marriage.
I think I can see a "happy" ending to all of this - but it sure seems like a lot of work and patience. :-\
Re:Too Late :: Act III Lumpy: Yo fisherman,
Seems like your in the eye of the storm right now regarding your stbx. Since moving out I've been learning to listen more to my head, and less to my heart. I wish I had the same perspective earlier on. Protect yourself. Remind yourself of all the pain that this person has put you through. I know part of you still wants to reach out to her and protect her in her time of need. All I can advise is to listen to your head. Our hearts' are blind. Stay Sane.
Re:Too Late :: Act III picadilly: If things came easy to us, Fisherman, would we appreicate them as much? Everything takes work, thats something my failed marriage has brought to mt awareness. If one party doesn't open up enough to let the other in, there can never be true happiness.
Work through this with her, if you truly believe you can get past her slip ups, then more power to you. If you can't, then you can't. Don't force yourself into keeping a relationship with her because she's "down" right now. Trust me, when she was first going out with the OM behind your back, I'm not thinking you were in the fore front of her mind. But then, thats what makes you who you are & the far better person. You care, even after all thats happened, you're still the man on the high ground... or high seas as the case may be.
Take is slow but I would advise to continue with the divorce & seperation. That old marriage didn't work. Be her friend now & maybe start dating her if that is what you wish, & maybe a second wedding is in the works. Be aware that the OM was her rock during the initial seperation & now that he's gone she maybe just slipping back into comfortable waters with you till something else comes along.
Guard yourself first & foremost.
Be well.
Re:Too Late :: Act III fisherman: Well she was served papers on my step-child Saturday will she was at work. That seems to have set her off and the true colors are being displayed ::) Still she was restrained and cordial...
I do think she wants us to work it out, however I know she has no idea the price I have paid for being in a relationship with her. She has paid no price by comparison... All of this has allowed me to see her in a different light - she seems so childish and immature.
We went to dinner Friday night - and that went pretty well. When we left she called my home answering machine and left a nice message on it - knowing I would hear it when I got home. But all that aside, she just seemed so shallow during our conversation. I think she is genuine - by I also think I'm *really* starting to realize that she doesn't have the emotional capacity to remain in a long term relationship whether she wants to or not. She acts as if nothing is wrong... Like nothing ever happened.
We had words last night when I called her - she is PISSED about me seeking custody of her daughter. But the step-daughter has told me time and again that she would run away before living with her mother.
Besides, how cordial can we be with the hearing coming up Wednesday? I have made it very clear that I will not lay down and abdicate in the court room - and she has told me the same. So something tells me she will have a major change of heart after Wednesday, and I'm not going to need to worry about her reconciliation attempts :o I least that's what I'm hoping. That would be a "clean" exit for me.
However, if she continues to want to reconcile, something tells me I have a long and painful road ahead of me...
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