Re:Got Served Today cloud: That's a tough one.
Maybe if she has a little time to herself and some space that she'll realize what she has given up and want to talk again about things? If so, get back into counseling.
Not sure why she resents you for her happiness. She owns that and shouldn't expect you to make her happy.
Re:Got Served Today DOC: That is what I have been praying for. And I will definetely go to counseling with her if and when she decides to work on things. I hope that my situation can be one of those that seemed hopeless but had a magnificent turn-around. I know my heart is counting on that little scrap of hope and I am afraid I wont be strong enough if that scrap gets blown away. I too don't understand the resentment. My sister has been helping me thru as she did something similar once to her husband. She says that my STBX is in her own world right now and wont accept that she is the reason she's not happy. My wife told me before she left that she tried a new hairstyle, a new car, new clothes, new job and that didn't make her happy so I must be the problem. Not fair I think.
Re:Got Served Today cloud: If she tried all of that, it's very likely that once she tries living on her own, that might not find happiness, either.
That's why counseling would help. She would realize that happiness isn't in a new car or a new hairstyle.
I read the Dr. Phil book "Relationship Rescue." It has a lot of good words of advice in it. I recommend reading it or any book that would give you some ideas on where you stand and what's going on.
Re:Got Served Today ChrisJane: You have a huge heart Doc. This means so much to you so don't give up on her completely. Give her space, even if the divorce happens, this doesn't mean you can't get back together. I've seen a lot of couples get back together after divorce.
Maybe once she sees that single life isn't as great as she thought and how great life was with you she may rethink things.
But don't let her use your heart as a doormat either.
Good luck.
Re:Got Served Today lookin4alite: DOC, I gotta be the cruel one. Here is the very best way to deal with this woman. She is not the woman you first married. But I have had the same issues with my STBX. If you do want her back -- treat her like dog doo doo. Change all door locks, don't answer her calls immediately (ie let it go to voicemail or answering machine) call her back half hour later with a reply like "oh I see you called what do you need?"
After about 3 days to a week of that treatment she'll be wondering what is going on in your life, like why are you so happy.
For some reason, I discovered my own pathetic co-dependency and now realize everytime the ex wants to see me I make her "earn my time" Trust me she will come around very fast once she sees you are not giving her the attention she wants.
If I am wrong, then you really need to move on to one of the thousands of wonderful women waiting for you and your children.
okay listen no flames please. I have beat the co-dependency I had for 17 years in just 1.5 months (although I have to watch it as it shows up occasionally)
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