What are men looking for? Tessa: I'm just curious as to what men feel is most important when they are looking for a woman to settle down with.
1) Brains
2) Beauty
3) Financial status
4) other
Re:What are men looking for? Lumpy: Hey Tessa,
Gotta go with communication/conversation first here. Does she understand me? Can I understand her? Open communication is the single most important factor to me right now in regards to relationships. Sense of humor runs a close second. I love it when a woman laughs at my stupid little jokes and can make me laugh back. Someone who knows herself and is comfortable in her own skin. Someone who can accept me for who I am as opposed to the person they think I should be. A lot of these factors have been brought to the forefront for me by analyzying my failed marriage. Didn't have these things with the ex. Now that I'm experiencing these things with someone new It makes me wonder how we stayed married for eight years! Just thought I'd throw in my two cents. Stay Sane.
Re:What are men looking for? Discarded: I agree with Lumpy on this one. Communication/Conversation first. There are also what I call subcategories of this - trust, openness etc..
Without communication/conversation first in the relationship you don't have a relationship beyond the physical and a longterm settle down relationship has to have something beyond just the physical.
They have to accept me as I am not what they want. If they want something else besides what I am they should go find it and not try to make me into it. I am willing to grow and change in some ways and some ways I will not. I like who I am and I am perfectly happy with most of it. Some things I want to change and I am working on those things, but they do not change who I am.
What I look in for someone to settle down with
1) communication within the relationship
2) trust - I have to be able to trust her and she has to be able to trust me, after being cheated on this is pretty important!
3) dedication to the relationship - they have to be dedicated to the relationship and not wanting to leave/fight at the first little thing - goes back to the communication aspect of the relationship. I don't want another 10 yr marriage - I've always been the type for marriage forever, death do us part, etc...
3) Romance/physical aspect - sorry I'm a very romantic/physical person. I want someone thats as romantic as I am and willing to initiate things on their own.
4) I want someone to walk beside me always, not behind, not in front. I want a 50/50 relationship with someone that can hold their own and is independent on their own.
The things you listed Tessa would fall pretty low on my list of things to look for. I am financially stable and my STBX worked when and if she wanted to work. Brains I would consider part of the Communication aspect of the relationship. She has to be smart enough to be able to communicate with me and I have to be able to communicate with her. Beauty I would call part of my Romance/physical aspect but again it is a smaller part of that. I have to be physically attracted to her, but that is more a pass fail system than anything. I am either attracted or I am not.
Re:What are men looking for? Beren: What I'm looking for...
Physical attraction and good sex are like oxygen; you don't think about it until you don't have it. These aren't things I'm "looking for," but if they aren't there, it's definitely a problem.
Intelligence tops the list for me. I've been tested in the top 0.1% of the population, so it's hard to find a "match," but I think I'd be happy with someone who at least would qualify for Mensa (top 2%). I'm sorry if it sounds conceited; I don't put a lot of value in intelligence as far as friendships are concerned, but I've learned that when I'm thinking very deeply about things, I tend to withdraw because no one ever understands what I'm talking about. It'd be nice to find someone who understands.
Financial status is fairly low on the list. I'd want her to be able to demonstrate that she can take care of herself financially because I think people make too many concessions when they are dependent. I don't want a woman to put up with me merely because she feels she has nowhere else to go. Whether she continues to work after we're married and start having kids is another story. That's just something we'd have to decide together. What I'm looking for is the ability to take care of herself should the need arise.
Communication is pretty high on the list, but unfortunately, that's very vague. Everyone wants communication, and everyone thinks they're good at it, and yet, so many marriages fail, so there has to be something more specific to say than just "good communication." I think it's more a matter of solution-oriented thinking. Just talking about something doesn't always make it better. Actually, I think just about everything you do communicates something, and it's the non-verbal communication that's the most important. If you come home from work feeling grumpy and you have a huge frown on your face, it sends a signal. Also, I think communication is a pattern, and you need to understand your part in that pattern. If I'm upset because you're upset because I'm upset, and so on, the truth is, either person could break the cycle, but typically, we're always so focused on what the other person is doing wrong. I need someone who would be willing to buck the conventional wisdom about what makes a relationship better and is willing to take a trial-and-error approach. Therefore, she'd need to have certain qualities; patience, understanding, objectivity, curiosity, creativity, flexibility, and an exceptionally positive attitude.
A sense of humor, especially an irreverent one, is a must. Heck, any number of other things could be missing, but a good sense of humor will make up for a lot of it.
Beren
Re:What are men looking for? jason_stl: 1) Brains
2) Beauty
[s"> 3) Financial status[/s">
[s"> 4) other [/s">
I make a good enough living to avoid number three as a necessity. Number four could include a lot of things. As long as they have number one (street or book smarts) and number two, I am a happy camper.
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