What do you miss about being married..not ex? Billsfan709: Sorry..I posted this under "The single life"..but I meant it here..
I have to admit guys and gals..I don't miss the ex..but I mss being married..Reasons..
1. Two incomes..even though I have calculated that ex spent more than she was bringing in..sometimes having a single income is a b__ch. It's funny now, I have more money?!
2. Cooking for one SUCKS..I did it while I was single, but cooking dinner for two, or when we entertained, for four or ten was truely fun..is intimate..old habits die hard..I eat leftovers all the time! Is that over-cooking? Is that a word?
3. Intimacy..I don't mean sex, although I miss that..just not w/ her..I mean rubbing feet, coming home from work, being greeted by the dog, and hearing "Yaaay" coming from the next room (from those of you that know my story, that's what I miss the most, the Yaaays), the showers together, the leaving the toilet seat down, the having tampons (TAMPONS) in my vanity, the laundry including panties instead of boxers only..the caring about someone besides yourself..the mutual back rubs..the times in the hot tub..
4. The shared triumphs..My being one class from my masters..the coaching pee-wee football..her new job(s) (I did say she was unemployed a lot)
5. The shared tragedies..my brother's death..OUR..not her..misscarriage.
6. Holding someone, when you sleep..the dog suffices..although he's a bed hog..and he does not respond to "morning wood" like the ex used to.. .
7. No one else knows what you're talking about.."I saw this movie", "I read in USA Today", "Did you see Saturday Night Live"..I live in a world of non-connective retards. We shared all of that..
8. Coming home to an empty house..even though she decorated it like an overgrown dorm room..I still miss the woman's touch..Does NOT look like a single guys pad, now, mind you, just lost.
What do you think?
Chris
P.S. I'm hardwired to be married, can't stand being single, want kids, love women, am able to be monogamous..am a capable lover..am I lost? Damaged goods?
Re: What do you miss about being married..not ex? barelybreathing: No you are not damaged goods. But I do know what you mean.
I loved being married too. I was very good with our finances. We got to a point where we would pay cash for everything and had no need to charge it. I loved that he trusted me with our finances and that he had confidence in me to handle it all. And I did so with such joint communication.
Now, he has no money and he has run up a huge credit card debt. I wonder if he misses that about our relationship? The comfort of knowing we had cash flow.
Okay I am digressing.
YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS. I AM NOT DAMAGED GOODS.
I was cheated on, left to raise our toddler alone and completely treated horribly. But I know that I am worth it. I know that someone will appreciate someone like me.
Your post made me sad, now I am all teared up. I hope that piece of ass was worth it to him. He swears it wasn't. I wonder if that basketball player feels the same way. All for a piece of ass......
Sorry, now I am really fading.....
Argh....
BB
Re: What do you miss about being married..not ex? barelybreathing: I can't beleive I wasn't filtered above! How did that slide?
;D
BB
Re: What do you miss about being married..not ex? justmenow: I miss having a future with someone and a date to every social "event", block party, wedding, etc. I miss putting "married" on forms and being referred to as "Mrs." Also the cooking for one thing stinks too - most of the time I have my 2 kids here, so it's not so bad, but when they're with him, it's mostly PB&J or ham sandwiches or pot pies. I liked watching DVDs with him on weekend nights and planning our next vacation adventure.
Also the security of having two incomes is/was nice although I still get child support. It's unnerving knowing that I am the adult in the house now, so that when the toilet overflows or a window gets broken or the electricity goes out, it's now my sole responsibility to take care of things.
I'm feeling trapped tonight. Trapped in this life that I didn't ask for, trapped in a job that I dislike but severely need to keep a roof over my kids' heads, trapped in this 34 year old body that needs some serious work before I can even begin to think of dating again.... Ugh. This is depressing. I'm going to bed. :(
Re: What do you miss about being married..not ex? achingallover: I miss being touched. Like not necessarily in a sexual way. My stbx and I were always holding hands, I laid on him on the sofa, he would pass me in the house and touch me in some way. I miss coming home tonight after class and not having to worry about being quiet so I don't wake him up. Crawling into a warm bed next to him with the TV on but muted (so I could see where I was going in the bedroom) and throwing my legs over him - feeling safe and warm and cozy - and falling asleep. My kitties are in here with me right now, but they are not reliable bed mates. Last night, I fell asleep on "my" side of the bed, and woke up on "his", expecting him to be there. So many things I miss. I know, I was planning on children with this man - I am on a new career path. I wanted a dog - loved my house. Now I have none of the things I had just 2 months ago. I am damaged right now, but I will get stronger and rebuild with someone who wants me. But the thought of that right now is overwhelming and exhausting. I am so mad I took the past 10 years of my life to get to know this man - every infection, every nuance - and now I have to start from scratch with someone I don't even know - AND I don't even want this friggin divorce! I hate being forced to start over - mostly because I loved what I had. But he apparently didn't, so I have no choice but to move on. I'm hoping evetually I can see this as a "new adventure" but right now it's just complete exhuasting and damned depressing. I'm sorta tired of getting to know the "new" me.
Can you tell I"m having a bad night?! :'(
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