I knew this would happen, I was just hoping it wouldn't! Alphabet Girl: My ex did it again. It was time to go to mediation because we couldn't come to an agreement on the divorce decree. He made a big deal about not wanting to go - we should all be adults about this, etc. Then, told me he would agree to my proposal and sign the papers. I must admit I was excited and hopeful that this time he would actually mean what he said. This has happened more than once. In the back of my mind I wasn't trusting and thought he might pull a fast one again. Sure enough he did. I received notice from my attorney today that he will sign the papers IF certain things are done and a list of changes follows - once again going back on what he says. Well, we're right back at square one. It's a game with him. He'll agree to stuff, say he'll sign things and then after a few weeks have gone by he'll change his mind. He'll either claim he didn't and deny it all or state that it is such a tiny difference from what it was that I am being childish to object.
I wrote my attorney a pretty firm email today saying I refuse to put up with this anymore. Good lord, he's been playing these games since June! I don't understand how the system can let people like him get away with this, but I'm not surprised. I'm trying to get her to be more firm with him and his lawyer, but she's not doing it. She wrote me back trying to pacify me saying to give him a few days and maybe he'll change his mind. I told her that wasn't acceptable. She's on her last chance, too. I don't want a lawyer who is going to give him time to think in order to avoid going in front of a judge or having mediation. I want someone to tell him he can't screw me around like this!
I hate it when I feel like I don't have control of a situation. I don't like to feel like things are happening to me and I am a victim. So my control here is that I am not going to bend to his crazy requests (here's an example so you know I am not out of line - he wants it in there that if he lives over 100 miles away - including out of state - , he still gets them from 6-8 two school nights a week). I am not interested in trying to negotiate with him at all, because I don't trust him. Even if it means I may not get all that I want, I am willing to forego that and have a mediator or a judge tell me what I have to do. Otherwise, it will be this time next year and I'll be posting that my divorce is 'almost final' for the 50th time.
In some ways, my life is not on hold because of this. I try not to allow that. I have moved on and am trying to find happiness for myself. I've set personal goals for myself and have attained some and am working towards others. But, there are a lot of things that are on hold until this is over. I can't sell my house. I am hurting financially and could use the child support that will be coming. I guess the best way to describe how I feel is that I am tired. Tired of waiting, tired of battling. I don't feel free. I would like to have some closure!
Re: I knew this would happen, I was just hoping it wouldn't! chaotic: You know, my X kind of did the same thing, but it turned out that her lawyer was making decisions without discussing with her. When it came down to it, my lawyer finally contacted the courts and set a date for mediation.
It sounds like you already know that your lawyer needs to grow a spine.
Re: I knew this would happen, I was just hoping it wouldn't! tirisfal: You have a wonderfully positive attitude abut all of this considering how much of a PITA he has been.
Your attorney needs to step up and tell his attorney this is not acceptable. I simply consulted with an attorney and I had to keep her on a leash, she wanted to go after everything. Styles vary greatly in the legal world, and I think your attorney may be a bit too passive for your ex. :(
I hope you are able to get to mediation soon. I am pursuing my masters in mediation and it really is a much simpler way to work things out then going back and forth like this. Your attorney should know this. Unfortunately, a lot of times it's all about the money they are making.
I'm rambling, I'll go now :P
Re: I knew this would happen, I was just hoping it wouldn't! Alphabet Girl: Thanks, FB, I'm trying to stay positive! I do worry about the money on both parts. Either of our lawyers could be dragging this out for us to make more money.
And like chaotic said, there was one time when the ex did blame it on the lawyer and claimed he didn't know about something - but when there's no trust there at all it is kind of hard to believe him. That would be an easy excuse for him to use.
Since you mentioned your mediation education, FB, my ex's lawyer is claiming that none of her mediators will be available for at least two months. My lawyer is saying that is nonsense. If you don't mind me asking, is there any rule that states who has to set it up and get things going?
Re: I knew this would happen, I was just hoping it wouldn't! tirisfal: It may vary from state to state, but in my experience there are no rules pertaining to who initiates mediation. It really sounds like it is something that is necessary in your situation. And in the long run it will be better for him and you to get it over with. If I were you I'd get the mediation going sooner then later. And I think his lawyer is full of it. :-\ After the six month waiting period was over, I was in mediation just a few weeks later.
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