Re: Bear with me guys, this isn't easy. TarheelMike: I'm sorry you were a moron like my ex-wife was. Now that God has shown you that he has a sense of humor, hopefully everything will work out for you now.
Can't say that I'm not disappointed though.
Re: Bear with me guys, this isn't easy. flyaway: SC. there is always room for us to make mistakes. We ALL do. What can set you apart as an individual is this: do you learn from them?
From your post, I think that you have. I'm sorry you've had to experience the hurt, and rejection of a cheating spouse.
I'm not sure what prompted you, after all this time, to come clean, but you have.
I have a friend in real life that this has happened to as well. I'm having a really hard time finding the ability to feel sorry for her. :-\
I wish you the best, SC. And I hope that superkid is doing good too.
flyaway
Re: Bear with me guys, this isn't easy. darkrose: [quote author=SuperChick link=topic=36022.msg382916#msg382916 date=1160686816"> Why didn't I leave?? Who knows? I guess at the time it was something that would pass. Did I need someone to point out how unhappy I was? Someone who would ten years later do the same to me? Did he give me the courage?? Probably not, but yeah, it gave me someone to 'fall back' on (just like he has someone to fall back on). Would I have otherwise left?? I can't answer that. I'd like to think yes, but hey, I didn't leave #2, and only relaized after the fact that it was a bad situation. But as bad as it was, the thought never crossed my mind about leaving #2 (or being unfaithful). [/quote">
..and I think that's why people cheat, then lie about it. There's the new/exciting vs the comfortable. It would have been interesting to see if you would have left eventually because I think you would have. #1 sounded fairly abusive and I think you'd wise up and walk one day.. That or you'd end up on an episode of COPS. *grins*
[quote"> And more important than the physical and sexual thing, was the emotional disconnect. It was so not about sex. I opened up to #2 so much, much more than I ever did with #1. And I thought that set the tone for our future together. I though we would always have that ability to communicate. Once again, I was sorely mistaken.
[/quote">
Yep, and I think that's where I lost the stbxw..she opened up to this guy a while back when he was going through some rough times (high school sweetheart I guess)..and that's when things started falling apart. She knew she had communication issues with me and it was something I couldn't help her fix. She chose to communicate with him rather than me for whatever reason. It's not like I flew off the wire or anything. It's actually funny to me to see her now. She's absolutely miserable and really has grown to hate herself even more than she did when we were together.
I do believe in second chances. I think now that you've been cheated on, you've seen what it does to people, how much pain it causes, all that stuff. I doubt you'll ever do it again because as people said--you live and learn. You're going to be a lot more careful in the future about who you end up with.. :)
Re: Bear with me guys, this isn't easy. superwife: [quote author=darkrose link=topic=36022.msg383201#msg383201 date=1160750524">
I think now that you've been cheated on, you've seen what it does to people, how much pain it causes, all that stuff. I doubt you'll ever do it again because as people said--you live and learn.
[/quote">
Which is one of the reasons I posted. I know what it is like to be on both sides of it. I know many here have had experiences where their ex's relaized the error of their way. Mine has not yet (I don't think...he may never, because he is pretty damned heartless). I am not implying that any of you should forgive their ex's. That is an indivivdual decision.
[quote author=darkrose link=topic=36022.msg383201#msg383201 date=1160750524">
..and I think that's why people cheat, then lie about it.
[/quote">
For the record, I never lied about it. He never confronted me, so one may consider that a lie of ommission. I'm sure he figured it out though.
Re: Bear with me guys, this isn't easy. 2be: Brave of you to come clean, especially knowing how "cheaters" get treated around here. I don't believe in "once a cheater, always a cheater" for everyone. I think a lot of people are, but eventually some of them learn. My Xwife cheated on every man she was ever with, me included. I think now maybe she has learned her lesson, but I'm not around to see her learn it.
Karma is a bitch, yes. SC... you seem to be a great person and I believe you have learned your lesson. It feels good to get it all out, doesn't it? I for one aren't going to judge you for your actions. My hurt was not with you and I have forgiven my X for the pain she caused. It's over, it's done, and it helped make me who I am now.
Tar... I feel bad that you hold SO much anger. You have a right to do so as you were hurt just as bad as many of us. But SC is NOT your exwife so don't put her in your sights. She made a mistake and is living the consequences. Despite what side of the coin we are on, we are here for support and encouragement. Your post did nothing except spew your anger. Did it make you feel better? I assume you are perfect and not moronic in the least.
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