Re: What she let him do tirisfal: Thank you all. Your support means more then you could ever know.
He's posted on his myspace page that he has no past regrets, he's a better person now. No therapy, no treatment. He is just all better.
I know what I need to do now is to let go of the need for him to validate the pain he caused me. If I don't it will rip me apart.
I need to go on the knowledge that people don't just change. There is a lot of work involved. I know what he did. People have seen it. It exists. His denials aren't my concern.
Logic has that down. Would someone tell my heart please....
Re: What she let him do PennyLane: I pitty the person he does this nightmare stuff too next.
So glad you are away from him.
Re: What she let him do JimB: [quote author=FB link=topic=36031.msg420344#msg420344 date=1165864218">
I know what I need to do now is to let go of the need for him to validate the pain he caused me. If I don't it will rip me apart. [/quote">
A very wise assessment, and valid to varying degrees to everyone here. Everyone inhabits their own reality - some people to the point where they almost live in a bubble of their own creation. He sounds like one of those, and there's nothing you can do about it except move on.
[quote">
Logic has that down. Would someone tell my heart please....
[/quote">
If your heart paid attention to mere logic (or moved as quickly as logic does), you probably wouldn't trust it anymore. Patience - you are doing everything right....
Re: What she let him do tirisfal: I put this all down for anyone who wanted to see. I know I let himdo these things to me. I played the victim for too long. I could have left, I could have stood up to you sooner. I could have should have whatever.
He still haunts my dreams. Dreams so real I shake half the day. Why is this when I let it happen. I want so much to be normal, to be able to get through the day without wanting to bang my head on the wall. Today I got so angry I wanted to drive into oncoming traffic on my drive home. I just didn't care for a split second, nothing at all mattered. Nothing. Will I really have to live with the visions of him for the rest of my life? That just can't be. I made so many mistakes and I'm sorry. Just let me go now. Please. I let him beat on me for eleven years. Why am I still letting him now that he's long gone? Nothing I say or do makes this feeling go away. I am so at a loss right now.
I had gone so far forward, how the hell did I get back here. This is it though, this is what he always did to me. Everytime I'd move forward he'd find a may to press harder and pull me down. And I'm still doing it for him...
Re: What she let him do tirisfal: Wow, have I been out of touch. Crushy, I hope you are well btw, I don't have any contact with him, quite happily so, he does know where I am but I haven't seen him since August of '06.
I reread this thread today and realized I don't know the woman I wrote about anymore. I look in the mirror and she isn't there. I LOVE that! I still have my moments for sure, however the weakness, fear, self-loathing, they are all gone. I wake up and look forward to life.
Getting here was not easy. Anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs, therapy and a lot of self-reflection. Many, many days and nights spent hiding under the covers in the safety of my bed. And countless bottles of vodka ;).
Not that I don't still have a lot of work ahead of me. Getting it all down and out in the open and hearing the support from everyone helped me so much. I hope that it will help another realize how resiliant they can be as well and that we are never alone in what we go through.
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