My confession WhyDoIKeepDoingThis?: Hi, All
I have a confession to make. I know how cheating is viewed on these boards, but I need to talk about the feelings I'm having and will deal with the consequences.
To make a long story short:
I have been married to an abusive man for over 11 years. I keep trying to extricate myself from this life, but I keep being guilted back in. Eventually, his promises prove false, and the same behaviors start to surface. I have lost friends and family because I keep coming back. I am alone. I have no one in this state but my husband. I have no friends here. My entire family lives 1500 miles away.
Here's where the confession happens:
Several months ago, I met a man here on Ojar. Though I know it was wrong, my feelings for him developed. We communicated and started an emotional affair. It has never gotten physical, as he lives on the other side of the US. But I am now realizing that the man who I *thought* was my Prince Charming is really a frog in disguise. I don't want to go into all the details, but let's just say he's not the man I thought he was. That has been a painful realization.
I know you all probably think I deserve whatever I get, and maybe you're right. This confession wasn't easy for me and I know that the backlash will be severe.
Thanks to those who read this.
WDIKDT?
Re: My confession Spike: Hey, why. F*ck 'em if they can't get the point. You needed comfort and you found it. It didn't work out but you learned something. Thats all there is to life, you live, you learn, and you die!
Re: My confession chaotic: First, and most importantly:
If you are in an abusive relationship, GET OUT NOW. Dont keep falling into his trap only to be constantly abused. Nobody deserves to be abused PERIOD.
Make your decision to leave and follow thru. Most areas have resources and places for abused women to go that they will be protected. Once you leave, stay gone. Do not contact him unless thru a lawyer, do not let him make you any more "promises".
Second, as for the emotional affair. While I dont agree with it, it does seem that a woman in your shoes may easily fall into that trap. Someone seems caring and gentle and it is so oposite what you are used to that you begin to fall for them.
Call off the "relationship" with the other person. In fact, once you leave your husband, DO NOT enter into ANY relationship except one with yourself. You really need to work on rebuilding yourself or you will end up in the same boat. I know too many women that were abused by one partner only to keep finding the same types of guy. I now realize that was because they were jumping from one abusive relationship then soon they would enter another. Its the classic "I seem to attract abusive men" type.
Take time to find yourself and you will be stronger for this.
Re: My confession Feel: I just don't understand why you can't go back to your family... if you know your husband goes back to normal after he pulls you back in and he has done this already numerous times, why keep trying? Where is it gonna get you?
And this guy on Ojar... what is up with that? You know, all the men here have been hurt and they are the perfect guy and I know of a couple that I think are very charming (ei, Chaotic) I think he's so atractive with not even knowing him and I love his resposes, but that won't get me to have an emotioal relationship wiht him. Why? first because you never know who they are, 2nd you are different on computer in certain ways... 3rd I know he's been a part of my healing process and knows every detail of how I felt about my Ex, so I wouldn't even think to date on line especially on a board we come to councel eachother!
It happened for you, but the main concern here is getting out of your abusive relationship!
Re: My confession faraday: I am with Spike- you are entitled to comfort- and none of us are so spotless that we can sit in judgement on you- we don't know what you endure- if you want to talk, PM me
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