thank you littlelinsmiles: Dear M,
I cant believe you love me so much when I dont feel worthy of you. I cant believe you have stuck by my side through everything. I just hope the drama ends and you said it will but every time things seem better another thing blows up in my face. You have been my best friend through everything and I havent been able to give much back because I am so emotionally and physically drained. How come you love me so much? I know you love me or there is no way you would be with me. You were my friend through the divorce. He supported me and gave me a shoulder to cry on when my family disowned me because of the divorce. You helped me through the vandalism and restraining order from the crazy lady. You were there held me through the tubal scare. You understand the weekend thing and dont think differently of me. You stood by me through D's bull. And now once again my family is being horrible to me and you are by my side. Above all you love my babies. They are a handful and test my patience but you love them and have accepted us as a package deal.
You are my knight in shining armor. You are an angel sent from heaven and I truly believe you are my soul mate. I hope and pray things will slow down and we can actually date without the drama. I hope that I can be that awesome to you someday when you need me. I feel so bad for being so dependant on you but I dont know how much longer I can stay strong.
Sometimes all I want to do is curl up in my blanket and cry and not move. However the babies would never allow me to be alone for more then 2 minutes. Sometimes I feel so messed up. I feel like I bring things on.
I am scared I am going to screw things up with you. I know you think I will be close to your mother but I am scared to be close to a mom right now. My mom hates me and I have tried so hard to please her and make her proud of me however in her eyes I will always be a f*** up. I cant hurt like this anymore.
I hate my sister and I know you cant understand that because your family is not disfunctional. My sister has betrayed me too many times and this time took the cake.
I failed with my marriage, I failed at being a sister and daughter. I am trying not to fail at being a mother. I am in a crappy job once again. I just cant get it right. I dont know why you are by my side and you have faith in me and that things will get better. I have a black cloud following me around.
I know you dont believe in Terot cards and I dont really either but they did say that I had a black cloud following me around. I dont know how to make that damn cloud go away. I feel like I keep bringing it along with me as soon as the sun starts to shine.
Anyway I love you more then I ever thought possible and you are a fairy tale come true.
Please forgive me for not being able to stay very strong anymore. If I wouldnt have my beautiful babies and you I truly believe I would have thrown in the towel and given up the fight. One more blow and I dont know what I will do.
