Dealing With The Aftermath startingover: First off I want to thank all of those here that have been there for me. You know who you are, and how much you mean to me. Thank you for the words of support, the kicks in the butt, and the laughs when I needed them.
For those of you that don't know the story, my husband had 4 affairs during our reconcilliation a few months back. The one that hurt the most was an emotional affair with a friend of both of ours. I was lied to by both of them and told it was my fault, that I didn't deserve my husband and that she was better for him than I would ever be.
I have since filed for divorce and he should be served papers next week. I thought I was healing and moving on, but today I realized that I have only been pushing the feelings down and keeping myself busy so I won't think about it.
While they never were together physically, I can't what either one of them told me out of my head, the lies from both of them, plans being made behind my back, and the worst of all, the internet sex between them I found on his computer. The things he said he would do to her once they were together, are what he did to me in my bed just one night earlier. The fantasies they shared, are the same fantasies him and I shared.
Several people asked me today how I am and I lied by telling them I am fine. I'm not fine. I'm hurt beyond belief, I'm angry that my kids and I were put through this because two people were selfish and uncaring, and I am disgusted that two people I cared about could be so vulgar.
Now that I realize this, how do I move on. How do I heal?
Re: Dealing With The Aftermath newts: [quote"> Now that I realize this, how do I move on. How do I heal?[/quote">
None of us can answer this Tat. All I can say is that you have been so strong for so long and you will find that strength again, you need to look as deep within yourself as you can.
Tat, it's o.k. to be weak too, just don't let it take your strength away!
You can do it Tat and we will be here if you need us.
Re: Dealing With The Aftermath ezydriver: You heal by thinking about it, by feeling it and being strong. Ignoring it never works. Its like having a problem with your car and bodging a repair. Eventually its gonna break. We're like that too, in an emotional sense. Well, any problem is like that really.
Right now you have to feel it. You have to go through motions such as anger, despair, hurt, more hurt, sadness, depression. However, this is absolutely necessary if you are to heal.
So to answer your question, you have to allow yourself to feel it, and think of it. Not all the time though, you can push it out of your mind sometimes. Just spend time allowing yourself to grieve.
Re: Dealing With The Aftermath baffled!: I completely understand how you feel - I know the pain of being completely lied to and manipulated by an emotional affair.... I was wrecked when I found out! - they seemingly has no regard for any aspect of my life as they continually blamed, lied and concealed... all from my best friends! - shocking.
You just need to be strong and work it out... it is impossible to rationalize betrayal of that nature - you just have to accept it and move on...
It takes time - but slowly as you build a new life you can heal those wounds... find good people in your life and rebuild your self-esteem - that's the most important starting point... I felt pretty low for a while and started to become my own worst enemy - as if I needed someone else crapping all over me.
Don't do that to yourself - realize that what's done is done and it was necessary to get you to be the person you are today, ya' know?
Re: Dealing With The Aftermath startingover: I swear it's two steps forward and three steps back. I think I am moving forward and something will remind me. I was with my study group today and someone asked me for a file for another class, the file is on the thumb drive with the saved conversations between the two of them, files saved to help me in court. It felt like a punch in the stomach, school is supposed to be my safe place to go to forget about it.
I'm supposed to be studying, but I can't get these images out of my head.
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