After court, what did you do? Deadinside: I am going to court in the morning to finalize the divorce. I am anxious and sad and relieved and sad and did I mention sad.
It has been over for 3 months, really it should have never been but he was too much of a coward to tell me the truth. Then it all came out the other women, the lies. Why am I sad? I mean, a part of me would still like to wake up from this nightmare and find him in bed next to me and tell, him, Wow, you wouldn't believe the f'd up dream I was having.
I talked to him tonight, it was his b-day today. I couldn't seem to stop myself from wanting to wish him a happy b-day. Why do I still care?
The best part, he asked me if I had any prospects on the dating front. I was really suprised by the question. I think it was curiosity and maybe a need to relieve a little of his guilt. If I was moving on, then what he did wouldn't have been so bad. I wanted to yell at him. "After what you did to me, do you really think I will be able to trust another man anytime soon?"
I worry that I won't be able to move on, to love again. I think of all the pain that I have survived the last 3 months and I just think, is any of it worth it. Then another part of me really wants to be married and have kids. I have read in other posts that to trust is a choice, it is something we can do or not do. Same with love, they are actions and we have the control over if we open ourselves up to them. But what if no one else comes along? What if we never meet anyone else that is interested? How the hell do you date after not doing it for over a decade?
Sorry, I know this post is a big ramble.
Re: After court, what did you do? Trish: Your living my life wow.
After court? I cried my eyes out. My friends said "Let's f'n celebrate" but I couldn't. It's a loss. You lost a special person in your life, it's equivelent to death but they still walk the earth with no closure fo you. Not only that? They are haveing a rip roaring time with the Other women. Yahooooooo! Whatever! SO your alone, as am I and nope I won't date either to ease his guilt. If I date it's my choice and will have nothing to do with satisfying his guilt of what he did either. Nor should you. Don't even answer the question of that. You don't owe him an answer to that anymore. You have to trust people or the jerk that broke our hearts/or jerkette whatever will win. They steal a bit of our souls and we allow them to turn us into horrible people with more baggage to walk around with. IT hurts you more than them. They aren't sitting around worry about you and if you will trust anybody again. They don't care they ruined your life for the moment and they don't want to own their crap. So don't give into that.
IT's hard, but true.
Keep your head up okay.
Re: After court, what did you do? ctrlaltdelete: After court I made a beeline to the Social Security office and changed my name back. Then I spent the next 3 hours at the DMV changing my driver's license and license plates. Then I went to the bank and closed on my house (took his name off the mortgage). I don't know what I did after that.... probably went home and cried myself to sleep in a drunken stupor.
Re: After court, what did you do? Deadinside: I went to court this morning and waited for the judge to start hearing the civil cases. We (lawyer and I) waited for an hour for the judge to even start hearing civil cases. Then, my lawyer informs me that he has a 10:30 hearing across town and can't stay any longer and that we will have to reschedule for later. I am like, dude, I had to make special arrangements at work to be here, and you are just going to leave like it isn't any problem. I also had myself mentally ready to face the questions and come to terms with my marriage actually ending. Now, I have to do it a different day. WTF!!!!
I am just really frustraited to say the least. At least when I told my boss about it, she was awsome. (she has been awsome since this entire mess started.)
I am praying that we can go again later this week, otherwise, it will have to waite until after month end, so I will be stuck without the divorce till the middle of November. I don't want that hanging over my head before Thanksgiving. I just want it done, so I can move on.
Re: After court, what did you do? Blue: AloneinMT: I am SOOO sorry! That sucks, big time!! Part of recovery for me is determining how and when it is appropriate to express my anger... in this case, I might have thought about whether or not it might be appropriate to let my lawyer know that I hired him/her to make this easier for me, not more difficult. And that as my lawyer, it's his/her job to follow through with a court hearing, regardless of the time delay. IMO, your lawyer should have at the very least, sent an assistant to handle your case if he/she couldn't stay for it... or better yet, sent someone to handle the other case!! How about a little time management, people??!! It always annoys me when lawyers (or doctors or bankers or whomever) act as if their time is somehow more important than yours... especially when they rely on your patronage for their livelihood!!
Argh! I feel ya!
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