I blogged this, not sure it would help anybody but just in case Trish: [color=red"> [font=Verdana"> [font=Verdana"> I'm not sure this would help anybody but hey, I'll throw it out there. It's one of my journal entries and it's a first entry that I did that was just for me and got me in perspective of my situation. Maybe you can get something out of it I don't know. So here it is...(you will either roll your eyes, or shake your head and agree, either way it won't hurt my feelings).
Hope it helps somebody out there going through hell, or coming out of hell.[/font"> [/font"> [/color">
Spent six months dying on a sofa, stuck in myself, not living. Boy you think you have forever. Most don't realize that we really don't. Even I forget. Not that we're all stupid and don't know that life is short, just that we don't pay attention to the actual fact that it isn't forever. We sit around thinking about all we don't have, all we could have, all we might get, what we don't get, what our neighbors are getting, what they have and what they might be getting, how come she's got longer hair, how come I'm short, my butts too big, my arms are stubby, my toes are weird their toes are perfect, you name it, we think it. I know I do.
We concentrate on our sad situations so much they seem to outweigh our good situations. It's easier to believe the bad stuff more than the good stuff about ourselves and that keeps us in chains. I'm guilty that's for sure. Looking back in the past keeps us all from looking ahead towards our futures. Our medical situations, our job situations, our status situations all play that determining role in "Do I want to even do this again today?" I know I have had many bouts of this feeling and have wrestled it to death and yet I won't let it take over and win.
What is it that we all really want anyway? To claim that we can now be happy? We want others to identify with us, edify and some other "Fys" I can't seem to remember so I can continue that ridiculous unplanned rhyme.
We want connection, understanding and maybe just maybe some compassion. There is very little of that in the world or so we tell ourselves. That's just not the truth. We just connect with the negetive a lot easier than with the positive. Because of that fact, we overlook the connection of compassion thrown at us daily from places we don't realize it's coming from.
Live? What does that mean? Well it doesn't mean complaining all the time and it doesn't mean finding all bad things going on and focusing on it to the point where it drowns out the living positives. It doesn't mean to hate your life and wish you were someone else even if your life wasn't what you thought it would be right now. Hey we may even believe we deserved better than what we got, but then again, no, we don't. Maybe we should have gotten better, but in reality, we got what we got. We have to play the hand that has been dealt to us. You know, the old, make lemons out of lemonade. Playing out that hand is what ends up making us into the really great people we become from living life.
The definition of perfection is so misunderstood . Sometimes the most perfect is the most broken and the most broken is the most perfect. Cracks and all. I was planning on a funny blog, even had one written a few days back. Staring at these final papers of my past life put me in a new thought. Now it's learning to just live again. Accepting where I am, where I have been, who has left my life, who I'll let enter my life, refusing to let the negatives outweigh the positives and that's hard sometimes.
I wake up everyday and just tell myself "I'm glad I'm alive". Most of all "I'm glad I'm alive and living, not just breathing". Who wants to just breath? Sad if you ask me. Leanne Womack says "I hope you dance" I make the choice to dance. If you're in a wheel chair, then spin around in a circle. Whatever. Just dance. Life is short. We forget that. Pet your cat, your dogs, your friends ego and even your own once in a while.
I choose to skip to work. Okay I choose to skip to the truck outside to drive me to work. The choice is mine. I'm making a choice to be happy exactly where I am. Feels kinda good. Of course, it took the act of me abusing a pint of ice cream. Somebody should report me to the Ice cream cops In the end, all thatreally matters is not so much how I did it but that fact that I got to this point.
There is life out there and I'm going to grab me some! Uh right after I fumigate the house from a stinker bomb one of the dogs left just now
Signed
A FREE WOMEN!
Re: I blogged this, not sure it would help anybody but just in case mylevelbest: I feel like I'm taking back my life. A life that was hijaked by a wife. I've taken more naps and spent more time on my couch than I should have. I've felt the life slipping out from under my hands and I felt lame. I know life is short but I still let it slip away.
Re: I blogged this, not sure it would help anybody but just in case Feel: it feels that someone has you by the strings and is playing your life for you!
Re: I blogged this, not sure it would help anybody but just in case Trish: I did not understand your comment "Feel". IT was a blog done recently of what I did for the 6 months of my begining divorce crud stage. SO had me by the strings is the actual feel. Not "has" anymore. THat was the blog.
But yeah, my life wasn't my own at the time. Now it is.
Re: I blogged this, not sure it would help anybody but just in case Feel: [quote author=Feel link=topic=36519.msg388851#msg388851 date=1161614199">
it feels that someone has you by the strings and is playing your life for you!
[/quote">
I meant this in a way of a feeling.... as for myself this was what I felt and still feel at times.... There are days where you feel you have controll and then others where you feel you are being played with!
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