Re: Am I obligated? darkrose: I don't think you'd be obligated at all. I've done that whole "OMG you can't leave me!" thing when meeting someone for the first time that I've hit it off with, and I would just say something like "Well, I hope to see you again.." and offer MY phone number if I was genuinely interested.
Maybe you'll see this guy again..maybe not.
Re: Am I obligated? katelyn: I frequent bars/clubs quite often (that's kind of embarrassing to admit). There are certain obligations, socially, it's called manners I guess.
I know several girls who always tell me it's okay to accept a drink from a man (meaning he bought it for you) and not have to "do anything". I think this is incorrect. If I accept a drink from a man, it means I am obligated purely out of social etiquette to sit and converse with him in the very least. And, if I'm sitting there conversing with him, he's going to assume I'm interested. He's going to keep buying drinks, and I'll have to keep talking to him all night. If I get out on the floor and dance with him, he's really going to start thinking I'm attracted to him and start getting handsy. It's "acceptable" on the dance floor to cop a feel here and there.
Then he'll latch on for the rest of the night, probably try to "take me home" which then means he'll try to wriggle his way into my apartment or at least get a date later on. It ALL starts by you allowing the drink.
So I disagree with my friends. I think socially, men expect something when they buy you a drink. If I go out, I buy my own damn drinks. Then I can do whatever the frick I want and I'm not obligated for shit. The only thing I can't figure out, is if they SEND a drink without permission. WTF do you do then. Give it away? LOL...
However, it doesn't sound like you were adverse to any of this, only "going home" with him. You felt as though he assumed he was taking you home? That's ridiculous, but not surprising, knowing bar guys. The bar scene is just sort of a meat market atmosphere. Most people are there to "hook up". While I don't think you did anything wrong, it would probably good to remember that fact the next time you're flirting with a guy at the bar, yes.
Re: Am I obligated? 2be: [quote author=katelyn link=topic=36522.msg388991#msg388991 date=1161624844">
I frequent bars/clubs quite often (that's kind of embarrassing to admit). There are certain obligations, socially, it's called manners I guess.
I know several girls who always tell me it's okay to accept a drink from a man (meaning he bought it for you) and not have to "do anything". I think this is incorrect. If I accept a drink from a man, it means I am obligated purely out of social etiquette to sit and converse with him in the very least. And, if I'm sitting there conversing with him, he's going to assume I'm interested. He's going to keep buying drinks, and I'll have to keep talking to him all night. If I get out on the floor and dance with him, he's really going to start thinking I'm attracted to him and start getting handsy. It's "acceptable" on the dance floor to cop a feel here and there.
Then he'll latch on for the rest of the night, probably try to "take me home" which then means he'll try to wriggle his way into my apartment or at least get a date later on. It ALL starts by you allowing the drink.
So I disagree with my friends. I think socially, men expect something when they buy you a drink. If I go out, I buy my own damn drinks. Then I can do whatever the frick I want and I'm not obligated for shit. The only thing I can't figure out, is if they SEND a drink without permission. WTF do you do then. Give it away? LOL...
However, it doesn't sound like you were adverse to any of this, only "going home" with him. You felt as though he assumed he was taking you home? That's ridiculous, but not surprising, knowing bar guys. The bar scene is just sort of a meat market atmosphere. Most people are there to "hook up". While I don't think you did anything wrong, it would probably good to remember that fact the next time you're flirting with a guy at the bar, yes.
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I think this is excellent advice. :) And in your position, if I were just offered a free drink without being asked from some stranger... it's yours to do with as you will. Eventually the guy would probably walk up and ask you to dance or chat and at that point you can politely turn him down if that is what you want. IMO if you send an anonymous drink so a woman, you shouldn't expect anything back.
Re: Am I obligated? clambakesX: [quote author=2be link=topic=36522.msg389021#msg389021 date=1161627131">
if I were just offered a free drink without being asked from some stranger... it's yours to do with as you will.
[/quote">
Uh, so you're suggesting the guy should be absolutely altruistic about this? "Shouldn't expect anything" - okay, no entitlement, sure, but he's hoping for contact or some kind of positive feedback. Let's be realistic, don't expect men to be Mother Theresa or something. If they're really supposed to not expect anything, they might as well just ring up a neighboring bar and ask the waiter to put someone's drinks on his Visa.
I've only been sent drinks a few times, and I've declined and asked the waiter to convey my thanks and say it's nothing personal, just I categorically don't accept drinks. I once bought a drink for a guy, but ordered it as I was leaving.
Re: Am I obligated? 2be: [quote author=Medusa link=topic=36522.msg389236#msg389236 date=1161644126">
[quote author=2be link=topic=36522.msg389021#msg389021 date=1161627131">
if I were just offered a free drink without being asked from some stranger... it's yours to do with as you will.
[/quote">
Uh, so you're suggesting the guy should be absolutely altruistic about this? "Shouldn't expect anything" - okay, no entitlement, sure, but he's hoping for contact or some kind of positive feedback. Let's be realistic, don't expect men to be Mother Theresa or something. If they're really supposed to not expect anything, they might as well just ring up a neighboring bar and ask the waiter to put someone's drinks on his Visa.
I've only been sent drinks a few times, and I've declined and asked the waiter to convey my thanks and say it's nothing personal, just I categorically don't accept drinks. I once bought a drink for a guy, but ordered it as I was leaving.
[/quote">
I didn't make myself clear I guess. As I guy, I'd never send a random drink to a woman without first making contact. It puts her in an uncomfortable position, as Katelyn says. I'd rather walk up to her, strike up a convo and ask to buy her a drink. After conversing for a few minutes, she can either say "yes" (which DOES invite a longer convo and all that entails) or "no" and I go on my way.
IMO, sending a random drink to a woman is a cop-out. Yeah, I'm shy and not good at the bar scene but I'd much rather take my chances and ME be the uncomfortable one rather than send an anonymous drink with the hopes that the woman has the guts to make the next move. And I'd rather have a "no thanks" to my face than have the waiter bring back a drink to me saying "thanks but no thanks." I'd take the rejection myself rather than have a waiter have to do it (and save myself $6 for a drink LOL).
Does that make sense?
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