Re: Am I obligated? clambakesX: [quote author=2be link=topic=36522.msg389021#msg389021 date=1161627131">
if I were just offered a free drink without being asked from some stranger... it's yours to do with as you will.
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Uh, so you're suggesting the guy should be absolutely altruistic about this? "Shouldn't expect anything" - okay, no entitlement, sure, but he's hoping for contact or some kind of positive feedback. Let's be realistic, don't expect men to be Mother Theresa or something. If they're really supposed to not expect anything, they might as well just ring up a neighboring bar and ask the waiter to put someone's drinks on his Visa.
I've only been sent drinks a few times, and I've declined and asked the waiter to convey my thanks and say it's nothing personal, just I categorically don't accept drinks. I once bought a drink for a guy, but ordered it as I was leaving.
Re: Am I obligated? 2be: [quote author=Medusa link=topic=36522.msg389236#msg389236 date=1161644126">
[quote author=2be link=topic=36522.msg389021#msg389021 date=1161627131">
if I were just offered a free drink without being asked from some stranger... it's yours to do with as you will.
[/quote">
Uh, so you're suggesting the guy should be absolutely altruistic about this? "Shouldn't expect anything" - okay, no entitlement, sure, but he's hoping for contact or some kind of positive feedback. Let's be realistic, don't expect men to be Mother Theresa or something. If they're really supposed to not expect anything, they might as well just ring up a neighboring bar and ask the waiter to put someone's drinks on his Visa.
I've only been sent drinks a few times, and I've declined and asked the waiter to convey my thanks and say it's nothing personal, just I categorically don't accept drinks. I once bought a drink for a guy, but ordered it as I was leaving.
[/quote">
I didn't make myself clear I guess. As I guy, I'd never send a random drink to a woman without first making contact. It puts her in an uncomfortable position, as Katelyn says. I'd rather walk up to her, strike up a convo and ask to buy her a drink. After conversing for a few minutes, she can either say "yes" (which DOES invite a longer convo and all that entails) or "no" and I go on my way.
IMO, sending a random drink to a woman is a cop-out. Yeah, I'm shy and not good at the bar scene but I'd much rather take my chances and ME be the uncomfortable one rather than send an anonymous drink with the hopes that the woman has the guts to make the next move. And I'd rather have a "no thanks" to my face than have the waiter bring back a drink to me saying "thanks but no thanks." I'd take the rejection myself rather than have a waiter have to do it (and save myself $6 for a drink LOL).
Does that make sense?
Re: Am I obligated? TarheelMike: [quote author=pluscachange link=topic=36522.msg388835#msg388835 date=1161613174">
You're certainly under no obligation, however, I'd consider the signals I was sending out in that situation and perhaps avoid doing so in the future if you don't want that kind of attention.
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What he said.
Bars are idiotic anyway.
Re: Am I obligated? clambakesX: [quote author=2be link=topic=36522.msg389241#msg389241 date=1161644875">
After conversing for a few minutes, she can either say "yes" (which DOES invite a longer convo and all that entails) or "no" and I go on my way.
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I hear you. I didn't mean to overreact, just thought your point might feed the "get a free drink" attitude I see in women, which I think makes some men feel ripped off.
Okay so how does a girl who just doesn't accept drinks communicate that she'd like to continue the conversation but isn't comfortable letting a guy buy drinks?
Re: Am I obligated? 2be: [quote author=Medusa link=topic=36522.msg389253#msg389253 date=1161647224">
[quote author=2be link=topic=36522.msg389241#msg389241 date=1161644875">
After conversing for a few minutes, she can either say "yes" (which DOES invite a longer convo and all that entails) or "no" and I go on my way.
[/quote">
I hear you. I didn't mean to overreact, just thought your point might feed the "get a free drink" attitude I see in women, which I think makes some men feel ripped off.
Okay so how does a girl who just doesn't accept drinks communicate that she'd like to continue the conversation but isn't comfortable letting a guy buy drinks?
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Well if he is standing right next to you, just tell him "You don't need to buy me a drink... but pull up a chair." :)
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