Re: Serious Girl Troubles clambakesX: [quote author=BobFromAcctg link=topic=36556.msg389340#msg389340 date=1161659545">
Medusa, men that have integrity don't. Plain and simple.
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Maybe you're thinking of an extreme I don't have in mind. Ideally, one is up-front about motivations. Awareness of rebounds is probably widespread enough that most know not to expect much from someone fresh out of a divorce.
Sheeps' point is solid - in this case, the women probably didn't sign up for status as bedpost notches, ego soothers etc.
The "post-divorce hooker stage" doesn't have to be what the OP is doing. I think there are plenty who are out there dating around, seeing what their options are. I see Chaotic as an example of someone doing this with integrity. (From what he posts here, that is - far be it from me to judge him or put a rubber stamp of approval on his glutes.) He's doing some serious serial dating, planting plenty of flowers and seeing what comes up. From the way he tells it, he hasn't hurt anyone or been dishonest with any women. (So maybe he didn't tell that one chick in the dive bar what he REALLY thought,.)
Re: Serious Girl Troubles fly: [quote author=Lumpy link=topic=36556.msg389346#msg389346 date=1161660066">
[quote author=BobFromAcctg link=topic=36556.msg389340#msg389340 date=1161659545">
[quote author=Medusa link=topic=36556.msg389233#msg389233 date=1161643333">
[quote author=BobFromAcctg link=topic=36556.msg389207#msg389207 date=1161640941">
I'm sorry but my emmediate response is :
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Bob, some ppl go through what some call the "post-divorce hooker stage."
This might be an example.
But whew, I'd have to have drawn a chart in order to figure out the story line.
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Medusa, men that have integrity don't. Plain and simple.
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I don't know. It seems to me that it's a pretty standard reaction to having been cheated on. I've seen it happen a lot of times.
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Lumpy I have seen it happen too. I have loved and accepted my friends through it. The emotional detachment from sex. The strapping the heart so firm to the body that it takes a mine to get through. All of it. But it does cause drama. I have stood by many a friend through it.
That's why I am wishing him good luck, to find the courage to open up his heart a little bit more and own the feelings that he has for whatever letter girl and just run with it.
But I don't think he is ready for that in his process. I don't think that he knows exactly what he is going through yet.
I don't personally think that he is a bad person .. just going through his process the best way he can right now.
Re: Serious Girl Troubles alonewith2: [quote author=l0progression link=topic=36556.msg389252#msg389252 date=1161647022">
As for the last part of your post, I am honest. I am subtle about it, of course, but completely honest. I don't want to hurt people, I've been hurt and I know exactly how it feels. Maybe I'm just not getting the message out clear enough. Though I'm not sure how I could be any more clear.
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You should try the more direct up front approach than the subtle route because obviously it isn't working. :D
Re: Serious Girl Troubles pluscachange: [quote"> Here I make a fatal mistake: [/quote">
Well, I'd pin it earlier, like where you start getting all emotional and doing the "what is she feeling/thinking, how can I leverage it for whatever" type of thing.
Them's girl games bro. Playing like you're on The Young And The Restless may make you a sensitive modern guy and stuff, but in the end you're going to burn yourself and have them run screaming because:
1. Women, while they say opposite, don't really go for the emotional feely feely guys who like playing their social games as much as they do.
2. Women, while the say opposite, don't like being a supporting cast member in a soap opera, no matter how much drama is promised.
3. If you go around "professing feelings" to women who have already made it clear that she thinks of you as a fallback plan, she's going to lose what little, if any, respect she may have for you to begin with (which I'll admit, may not be much).
4. Trying the hookup with the friend is risky business, and should only be attempted by guys who don't give a damn about the emotional feely feely to begin with.
You're playing it way too wimpy and blow-dried-hair meterosexual caring/feeling to be a player bro. Sorry. Give it up, go for one girl, take life as it comes to you.
Re: Serious Girl Troubles chaotic: Dude, I am all for dating as many women as you want to. But I do draw the line at a physical relationship. If and when it starts to become physical, I make a decision right there on whether it should procede.
Yes, I have made a few mistakes and let it get physical then later called it off because I just was not into them. But I have also had my share of women never talk to me again because I stopped everything when things got heated and said I was not ready.
I figure once I have found the person that I want to date exclusively, then I will decide that I am ready.
Trying to hook up with multiple women may have been fun at one time, but it always ends up badly.
4 mad women can do ALOT of damage.
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