Re: 7 years and told i'm not to blame... allmusic76: Oy....
I know exactly how you are feeling. Melissa and I were toying with the idea of getting married on 7/7/07 our lucky number is 7, our anniversary was on the 7th).
had told her "no way... we cant do that' jestingly, because I didn't want her to know I was going to propose to her this New Year's when we went to florida to see my family. One of her friends at work and proposed the idea of it, but I had been planning it for quite some time...
I still have the ring. Can't return it either. I envy you... at least she told you the how's and whys. that's a start.. you have the closure you need to move on.
You can't change the past. She respects you enough to confront you and talk to you about it, which is something worth noting. it may not be very consoling, but it means she values you as a person.
You've just got a long road of healing ahead. Time is your best friend right now. Stay close to your friends, try to stay busy. Focus on your work, or attack your hobbies. Time will start to fly by, and you will be able to let go.
Re: 7 years and told i'm not to blame... chum: we were together almost 13 years...and man was it hard at first everywhere and anywhere reminded me of something we did together. I did the whats wrong with me, what did I do wrong(the blame game to myself). Took a while to realize I didn't do anything wrong. Can really say when it changed just woke up one day and realized as hard as it is I need to focus and try not to let the memories run my daily life, don't get me wrong i still have them hard not to being we were together so long. We have 2 kids together so that is hard I have to see him, and his OW...I hate having to see them, but it does get easier.
Support was and is such a big thing for me if i didn't have that i would not have made it through. Not sure if you know this but Spike is my dad so him being so close and totally understanding has helped me through this more than i can say.
Re: 7 years and told i'm not to blame... surprised: You definitely can't blame yourself. It sounds like she took a minor incident and blew it up into something it wasn't and if you ask me, it sounds like an excuse. My story is somewhat similar to yours. I think both of our SOs need to figure themselves out and what they want. It does sound like you catered to her needs too much. I know this isn't necessarily helpful to hear, but you have to start doing things for yourself. After 2 1/2 months of being broken up and an abortive reconciliation attempt last week, I recognize that fact. I want to figure out who I am without him now. I still want him to be the one, but I don't want anything to do with him right now. Anyway, my point is, take time to mourn but also take time for yourself, keep busy and figure out who are.
Re: 7 years and told i'm not to blame... allmusic76: I agree...
I think sometimes people just want "out" and the only way they can justify it, is with a cop out.
Sometimes, people get so confused they don't know what they want. I think that's where most of the damage is done.
There is a breakup, and then some time passes, and the person doing the breaking up misses what they had... so they either replace that person with someone else ( the rebound) or they go back to the person ( if it's for the right reasons... then maybe the breakup was just a hiccup, but if it's for the wrong reasons, then they just drag out the hurt longer)
Re: 7 years and told i'm not to blame... surprised: [quote author=allmusic76 link=topic=36558.msg389464#msg389464 date=1161692817">
but if it's for the wrong reasons, then they just drag out the hurt longer)
[/quote">
Absolutely. The only good thing about mine was it made me realize that I need time for myself just as much as he does. It hurt worse than the original break-up, but I think I came to some good realizations much faster.
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