Re: steps toward divorce clambakesX: [quote author=wtfjusthappenned link=topic=36559.msg389367#msg389367 date=1161664752">
take solice in your work. [/quote">
:D
Thanks wtf, I'll work on that. Maybe lonewolf can take solace in his work by getting his boss to take mine out, or something.
He'd called me on Sunday for two pieces of advice, one work, one social. (He openly admits he has zero instincts.) Only after I gave him my 2 cents did I ask for encouragement re. my work situation. It's good, in a way, to see that he refused to come through for me right after I'd been there for him. I know a friendship isn't quid pro quo based, and didn't mean it that way, but - how much does it cost to say "go girl, you deserve better, work the situation to get what you want, you kick butt, off the cuff you just gave me advice that'll save me time and earn me more money, so find a company that'll appreciate what you offer" ?
it may or may not be the best time to be making serious decisions that effect the other parts of our lives
I was only in his country for him, gourd knows I'd never have chosen it on my own. Zero chance of relaxation - the ONE time I was able to relax since meeting him was when I was under full anaesthesia. Leaving (and getting a job with a less nutty company) will very much affect other parts of my life in positive ways.
Now, how to give myself permission to have a life I love?
Re: steps toward divorce JimB: [quote author=Medusa link=topic=36559.msg389455#msg389455 date=1161691361">
Now, how to give myself permission to have a life I love?
[/quote">
I give you permission, FWIW. ;D
Change is scary; major change is majorly scary. I think true happiness is very difficult to obtain, and the temptation to settle for mere contentment is strong. And it's very hard to risk contentment, once achieved, for true happiness. It doesn't always pay off in the way we hope for, but there's more than one road to Nirvana....
Despite your "distance" from him, he's remained a big part of your life. It's possible to maintain a fondness for someone even after a drastic reduction of the role they play in your life. I think you'll find yourself feeling liberated once you dramatically scale back his role.
Re: steps toward divorce melissa: Hey Medusa, very rarely do I ever even lurk on Ojar but I saw your post today and wanted to respond.
I think you have come farther than you give yourelf credit for. In your OP on this thread you openly acknowledged your reasons/excuses for not actively pursuing your divorce. I'm not saying all of them are without merit, but some of them are. :P The fact that you are taking steps to apply for jobs here in the U.S. signals to me that you are ready to make the move (both physically back here and divorce-wise as well).
It is the follow-through to our hard decisions that can be tough, but you are actively making some great choices for yourself right now. Just stay the course now!
Let me know if you want to bounce any job searching stuff off of me. Do you have my e-mail addy? If not PM me and I'll send it to you if you ever want it.
Melissa
Re: steps toward divorce katbuttkid: O cool-- You'll be closer to us over here in the US!
O drat! I won't get to surf your couch if I ever go to Germany!
Just thinking of myself, you know?
Kidding.
Med, I think this is really cool. You've been talking about wanting to be in the US for a while now.
And I think Jim had a good point about your XH- it at least meant a lot to me.
I know clambake isn't someone you're excited about knowing, but wow, I'd love to feel a fondness or even an appreciation for my X. Feels somewhat wrong that I can't, so I admire the heck out of you, lady, for doing this all with sense and sensibility, like a Lady... taking your time, not doing fighting/divorce stuff by day while you're out prowling around for some action or even Husband #2 the rest of the time.
Cheers,
KBK
Re: steps toward divorce Topaz: Wow. Lots going on in this post. It sounds good, very good.
NYC would be perfect for you, don't you think? :D
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