I'm in helll :*( Crystal_Blue_024: I've been trying to handle things on my own, and not having to keep coming back to Ojar to post all this $hit that is going on in my life... I have been trying to keep in my mind that things will work out how they're supposed to, but it just keeps getting worse. :'(
I ended things with Brian about 2 weeks ago so he could figure out what he wanted to do about me, him, and his daughter's mom... It lasted about 3 days, and he was texting me telling me he missed me and needed to be with me, etc. etc. I tried to keep him cut off, but I cracked, I was too weak... I called him hysterically bawling my eyes out... He rushed to my house and we sat and talked for hours... He told me I was so special to him, he'd do anything for me, and I had his whole heart... So we start seeing each other again...
Fast forward to this weekend... We had plans on Friday night, he had to cancel and said we'd get together on Saturday... Saturday comes along and he blows me off, but says he'll take me to lunch on Sunday... Sunday rolls around and he says he has errands to run... He's been short with me all weekend... Sunday night I try texting him, he doesn't respond (home with her)... I call him crying and leave a message saying this is too much for me, that I wanted to stick this out with him, but it's just too hard... He calls me yesterday morning and is totally short with me (no emotion at all) says this has just blown up way too fast, and its too much for him too, and we should just be friends for now... I tell him I can't just be his friend because of the feelings I have for him, and I need to stay out of his life as long as he's messing around with Amanda... He says, "Ok. I'll let you get back to work. Bye."
So I completely lose it... I had to leave work yesterday and went home and threw myself on my bed and cried for hours... I texted him and told him that he sure got lucky that this was so easy for him, and I told him he broke my fu*king heart... He texted me back and said this wasn't easy for him, and he was sorry it had to end this way... I cried and cried and sobbed and sobbed... I sobbed like I have NEVER in my whole life... Then to make matter WORSE (yeah, WORSE), I get on-line and check Drea's myspace (I hadn't looked at it in almost a month, and never needed or wanted to) and of course she has all of these pictures of her and her new b-f, kissing, and making out, and yadda yadda yadda... So I lose it even more... I don't know why I looked... I don't even know why I care... I seriously felt like I was going to die... I called my mom hysterically and she had me call my therapist (I'm going in at 1pm today)... Meanwhile, Brian's friend, Coop, calls me (we've kind of become friends too) and he talks to me for awhile...
I was a fu*king basket case yesterday... So I pass out last night (after taking my sleeping meds)... I wake up at 4am (dreams) and start bawling my eyes out again... I look over at my phone and it's blinking red... Brian texted me last night and said "Baby, I miss you so much." I (against my own advice) text him back and tell him I miss him too and wish he was with me... I lay in bed until 6:30am when I have to get up for work (never fell back asleep)... So now here I am... It's 9:30am (Brian has to go to work at 8am) and I haven't heard anything from him... He hasn't texted me back, or tried calling me...
So WTF do I do now? WTF is going on? Yesterday he's telling me he's gonna let me walk away, then last night he texts me saying he misses me, and then today nothing... WTF?? What should I do? Should I leave it be? I dunno if I can do that. Should I text him and ask if he got my text? Should I text him and ask him what's going on? I just want to know one way or another :'( :'( :'( Any advice is appreciated.
Re: I'm in helll :*( thejoker: Crystal...
Are you really enjoying driving yourself insane?
Sometimes you just need to be ALONE.. just be by yourself.. rediscover what makes you tick. Start watching movies find a favortie actor/actress and watch every movie they have made.. Start cooking.. Get a hobby any hobby!!
I'm not really good at this stuff but you are wallowing in your misery. Why would you go check Drea's page? You have nothing to see there.. This Brian dude.. straight up playin you out.. stringing you along.. get the net girl..
You have many fine qualities.. be that strong woman you are and stop playing their games.
You got know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em and know when to walk away.
Re: I'm in helll :*( Plucky: Crystal, I want you to go back to all of your posts and print them out. Go through them with a highlighter and mark every time he has dumped you, ignored you, etc. DO NOT mark the texts and phone calls and long talks.
Read what you have written. I HOPE you'll be able to see what he's doing as plainly as the rest of us. I HOPE you will stop engaging him in any sort of way.
CHANGE your phone number. Delete his from everything you own. Get rid of anything that reminds you of him. Get out of his circle of friends.
PLEASE STOP DOING THIS TO YOURSELF
Re: I'm in helll :*( Mo: I don't know you at all but, I'd guess that you are too good for this kind of bull. No one deserves to be toyed with this way. Sounds like he got back with you just to hurt you again. Just my guess. You need to realize in your own mind that you don't deserve this, that things won't change and you don't need to put up with this kind of treatment.
Re: I'm in helll :*( Deadinside: Crystal,
I hate to say this to you, because I have read a lot of your post and you seem like a nice, fun girl, but you need to grow up.
You are jumping from one relationship to another, you get your emotions involved so fast and then when things don’t work out it becomes a major life crisis. Slow down, stop dating, stop sleeping with anyone. You are young and you need to figure out what it is that you want in your life and until you do that you need to not be in any type of relationship. You are addicted to being in a relationship and you need to figure out why.
Drop Brian, he is a piece of sh*t. He is 2 timing the mother of his baby with you. Do you really want to be the other woman? Don’t you want to have a healthy, great relationship? Until you figure your own sh*t out, you won’t be able to have a healthy relationship, in fact I would argue that you won’t attract men who are interested in that type of relationship, because when they see you or hear about your life/history. They will run thinking that you are this party girl who is only good for sex and a brief fling. The ones that are seeking more will leave.
Now, if all you want is self satisfaction, I suggest you open your goody drawer and leave all relationships alone for a while.
Again, I am sorry for sounding so harsh, but I hear your pain and all I can think is that you are the cause of a good chunk of it because of your own actions/decisions. You are better than this!!
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