Re: I'm in helll :*( Crystal_Blue_024: I know I'm letting this misery swallow me up... I can't seem to escape myself... I can't seem to stop hurting myself... :'( :'( :'(
I don't know how to be alone... I've always had someone ever since high school... The thought of being alone scares me to death, so I deal with whatever crap I'm dealt if it means I have someone there... I settle for whatever I can get... I don't know how to break that :'( :'( :'(
I have huge issues with needing someone to affirm that I am a desirable person... I need someone to tell me I'm okay... My mom asked me yesterday what I was happy with in my life and I told her nothing... She asked me what makes me happy in my life, I told her nothing... I'm not happy... I'm miserable... :'( :'( :'(
And I don't even know where to start, I don't even know how to change... I thought therapy was helping me become stronger and more independent, but I really don't see any change from the desperation and hopelessness I felt back in June... I feel nothing but emptiness... :'( :'( :'(
Re: I'm in helll :*( chaotic: [quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
I ended things with Brian about 2 weeks ago so he could figure out what he wanted to do about me, him, and his daughter's mom... It lasted about 3 days, and he was texting me telling me he missed me and needed to be with me, etc. etc. [/quote">
Translated to guy speak: Baby's momma cut me off again. I am once again "interested" in you again...At least until she takes me back or I get laid.
[quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
I tried to keep him cut off, but I cracked, I was too weak... I called him hysterically bawling my eyes out... He rushed to my house and we sat and talked for hours... He told me I was so special to him, he'd do anything for me, and I had his whole heart... So we start seeing each other again...
[/quote">
Translated to guy speak: Its been a week since baby's momma cut me off. I could really use your company. Lets start dating again because I dont want you to think its only sex.
[quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
Fast forward to this weekend... We had plans on Friday night, he had to cancel and said we'd get together on Saturday... Saturday comes along and he blows me off, but says he'll take me to lunch on Sunday... Sunday rolls around and he says he has errands to run... He's been short with me all weekend... Sunday night I try texting him, he doesn't respond (home with her)...
[/quote">
Translated: Baby's momma took me back. I dont have time for you because I am trying to prove to her and get laid.
[quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
He calls me yesterday morning and is totally short with me (no emotion at all) says this has just blown up way too fast, and its too much for him too, and we should just be friends for now...
[/quote">
Translated: I am going to string you along in the least hurtful way I can think of with my pea sized brain while I hump my baby's momma...I want to keep you around in case baby's momma cuts me off again for my stupid gangsta wanna be ways.
[quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
He texted me back and said this wasn't easy for him, and he was sorry it had to end this way...
[/quote">
Translated: I hope you will feel bad for me and continue to call me once in a while. Then I will know that I have someone when baby's momma cuts me off again.
[quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
Then to make matter WORSE (yeah, WORSE), I get on-line and check Drea's myspace (I hadn't looked at it in almost a month, and never needed or wanted to) and of course she has all of these pictures of her and her new b-f, kissing, and making out, and yadda yadda yadda... So I lose it even more... I don't know why I looked... I don't even know why I care... I seriously felt like I was going to die...
[/quote">
I know exactly why you looked. You were in a weak state of mind. You were hurting from Brian and his crap piled on top of Drea's crap and life in general. It is natural to have weak moments. DONT beat yourself up for it. If anything realize that D has moved on. You have too. Consider Brian your rebound relationship. At least now you have gotten that out of the way.
Now I want you to start working on you. Swear off guys and relationships in general for a while. Identify 2 or 3 things in your life you want to work on and put your mind to it. Once you are in full swing of things working on those, you will find that you dont need a relationship to go on with life. You will start treasuring your alone time. Once you are at that point...Then you might be ready.
Re: I'm in helll :*( chaotic:
[quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
Brian texted me last night and said "Baby, I miss you so much."
[/quote">
Guess who just had a fight with baby's momma
[quote author=Crystal_Blue_024 link=topic=36591.msg389628#msg389628 date=1161703659">
So WTF do I do now? WTF is going on? Yesterday he's telling me he's gonna let me walk away, then last night he texts me saying he misses me, and then today nothing... WTF?? What should I do? Should I leave it be? I dunno if I can do that. Should I text him and ask if he got my text? Should I text him and ask him what's going on? I just want to know one way or another :'( :'( :'( Any advice is appreciated.
[/quote">
What do you do? You dont do anything. STOP responding to his texts PERIOD. If you have the need to text something after he texts you...Text me. You have my number. Just get out what you need and send it to me. Then you are not bottling it up.
You are a beautiful woman and you DO NOT need this or any guy to validate who you are. Cut him off now and dont look back. As long as you let him play his game with you, you will hurt.
Dont make me come up there!!! :)
Re: I'm in helll :*( 2be: Crystal... I am SO sorry that you have been hurt by this guy. He is an ASS and is just playing you! Break contact with him completely... he is using your emotions against you and only pretending to care.
I suggest NOT pursuing anyone until you can manage your life by yourself and be happy. I agree that you are just bouncing from one relationship to another, and these are not good, respectable people.
It'll get better... but above all else, BREAK CONTACT WITH THIS JERK.
You deserve better.
Re: I'm in helll :*( Feel: Crystal, I am so sorry, it seems that it never ends.... same for me!
I don't know this whole story but it sounds to my like he has another woman???? You deserve better, shit you told me that too on numerous occasions....
Try to not see anyone... do for you, be good to you... you don't need anyone to be good for you... be for yourel right now...
He is a jerk for what he did!
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