Dear G fly: Dear Ge..
You were my best friend for the last 2 years. I promised you to walk the line with you and do anything I could for you and I did. I was not perfect. hell, I know that. I have made mistakes and blunders and have cried over the pain I have caused you as a friend.
But I have always stood up for you, supported you, and honored our friendship. In one day you crushed my spirit and trust in you.
You asked a random guy at a bar if you were prettier than me. On my birthday none the less. You know that Adam never made me feel pretty. you know that what he told me, you heard him yelling at me and calling me a selfish bitch you only thought of herself. You heard my tears of how he would not touch me sexually. you heard those things and you still did this. Was a randoms man approval so much more important than the last 2 years that we spent together. Was calling our mutual guy friends on the way home and talking about me and how it as my fault that we left the bar on my birthday so that you could not pick up men fair? I would never do this to you. I would never think that a man was more important than you.
I was not even trying to pick up the guy at the bar. he was into you and I was happy for you. I know you have self esteem issues. I know this, yet you didn't think about where I was.
You know how sensitive I am in life. You know that I am just getting to the point in my life where I don't just put the walls of a angry girl up anymore who wants to party and is soft again and is just always herself. You know this, and you treated me this way
And that was not the end of it. when we got back to my house, you hit on M. You know what a wierd place we are in. You know that we are both scared and are trying to take things slow even though we both know that we are bonded in some screwed up way. You know that we have talked about it, and are trying to express feelings that we don't want to. You know that I am am afraid of loving another person again. You know that I told you he is too.. And yet, you excluded me in my own house, you yelled at me, you one up'd me every time I expressed something. You actually hit on him in front of me!!! On the night of my birthday. You did this. You did this because you thought you could. I now know why R and J left me and became so much closer to you. Did you emotionally sabatooge these relationships I had too. I trusted you not to do this, and now it all seems so clear.
oh, yeah, you didn't try and kiss him. But you tried to emotionally exclude me and that is worse. you literally said, Chrissy never understand she is always the odd man out. What? Do you think I like no fitting in and living a lifestyle that is different and that I try and grow as a person and am always self aware? do you think that this is always easy to try and emotionally take care of myself? Do you?
And you have not callled me since Oct 18th. Not a word. nothing. Don't you care? Are the men in your life so much more important than me? How can a man be more important than a friendship? I don't understand. I guess I never will.
Are you upset that M didn't fall for the routine ? that he actually called you out in front of me? is that why you became tired and didn't talk to me on the way home? Huh?
I don't have any answers, I am just crushed that I have lost you as a friend and what you did is unforgivable. And I know this and I know that I will never trust you again. I will never trust to love you as a person again, and I feel lost by it. I feel like I lost a family member over a man ....
I loved you
I would have done anything for you
And once again, I was walked on. ..
I will miss you my friend. I will miss you so much
Chrissy
Re: Dear G fly: Dear Gena..
So, it's been 7 days since you even picked up the phone and called to see how I am. there are so many silly friend things I want to share with you and I can't. I can't seem to let go of the hurt. What is happening instead it is getting deeper and deeper
I hate that feeling of deep pain. I hate that pain so much. I wish i could take it out of me and just shoot it into tiny little pieces. But I can't do that.
I have to live through the pain instead and I hate that you as a friend coudl do this to me. Aren't you one of the people who were suppose to stand by me through the pain of my divorce. Weren't you the one who was suppose to accept me and not compete with me.
It makes me never want to have friends. I am even thinking about leaving M right now because of it. I just want everyone out of my life again and be alone.
I need to really sort all these things out ya know.
And at the end, I just still miss you
Re: Dear G icwtsmnl: Do not leave M. in fact, turn to him for support. he supported you the way a REAL friend does. Don't abandon that because of the hurt this girl has caused you.
you are worth so much more than to let her control your emotions. you're going to be just fine. you will thrive without her trying to sabotage everything good in your life to suit her insecure needs. hang in there.
Re: Dear G fly: Thanks, you are right. You are so so right.
Right now I am a mess. I don't know when I am going to get any better either.
Re: Dear G fly: Ain't that the truth Clarice.
I hurt M yesterday by telling him that I wanted to delete him. the only reason and I mean the only reason why I am still around is because he is going through so much in his own life.
That is the only reason why he has not gotten the boot. I need to have a serious talk with him in the next couple of weeks about some things and I don't much want to. What I want it to take the natural love we have for each other and throw it away.
The natural love is just affection and friendship and whatever else is developing. I want to just put it in the trash and look it once in a while.
