Re: Does Anyone Notice This? drowned: [quote author=Cringe link=topic=37014.msg396702#msg396702 date=1162568143">
But, if that's what we are attracted to, how do we not go after the same "type"? I mean, I'm not attracted to the prim and proper school marm, I like the wild side. I like a girl who isn't shy, who loves to dance, with a sense of adventure.
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Take what you have learned, the bad experiences as well as the good and apply them to a certain someone you are looking for. You just answered your own wants....you want a girl that is not shy, loves to dance and has a sense of adventure. Sounds to me like you know what you are looking for now get out there and find her.
Re: Does Anyone Notice This? drowned: [quote author=Cringe link=topic=37014.msg396898#msg396898 date=1162576914">
Every time I hook up with this type of girl, I get hurt. But, this is what I like, so, do I continue to get hurt, or look for a different type?
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Not all are going to be the one....There is only one one! lol I guess you know that but realistically it's going to take some trial and error to find that good one among many. DON'T look for a different type....why would you? Take for exmple buying a car....you look and test drive them and you are kind of well I guess so :-\ so you buy it. Not really what you want but you'll take it because it's the only one on the lot right.....months later you will question that decision and be stuck with some payment you hate to make. On the flip-side. relationship wise.. you will end up breaking someones heart because ultimately that is not who you wanted... The 'car thing'..not really a great example but you get my point right?
Re: Does Anyone Notice This? 2be: [quote author=Cringe link=topic=37014.msg396898#msg396898 date=1162576914">
Every time I hook up with this type of girl, I get hurt. But, this is what I like, so, do I continue to get hurt, or look for a different type?
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You're just finding the ones that have those traits, but are horrible in other aspects that aren't compatible with you. Are those your only three "have to have" traits? I might get flamed for this, but in MY experience, woman that have a "wild side" are just immature and irresponsible and thus... not good "long term" material.
Re: Does Anyone Notice This? clambakesX: [quote author=Cringe link=topic=37014.msg396898#msg396898 date=1162576914">
Every time I hook up with this type of girl, I get hurt. But, this is what I like, so, do I continue to get hurt, or look for a different type?
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Can you look at what exactly is "clicking" with you with these women? Often, it's not the traits =you= actually find appealing. For example, there are physical traits I like. But those traits are not what make the toxic "click" I can hear a mile away.
You could also take a look at what needs you hope will be met by the "wild" sides of these women, and whether you can get more benefit and less risk with women who'll meet the same needs, differently. Most women have a definite "wild side," which you won't pick up on for a while.
Re: Does Anyone Notice This? ezydriver: [quote author=Cringe link=topic=37014.msg396613#msg396613 date=1162557873">
You have recovered, so to speak, and it's time to start dating. Has anyone noticed that they go after the exact same qualities/red flags, that they just got away from? Are we destined to be with the same type of person, even though we know it's bad for us?
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No not destined. But if we go after these same types ultimately ending in the same way as the last, with the same pain then we obviously aren't learning our lessons. Some people make the mistake once, perhaps twice, some people repeat forever.
The reason we do is through some direct unresolved issue with our parents.
Let me elaborate on my own example.
When I was little, my father walking through the door would make the atmosphere so tense in the house. I could see my mother tensing up. We would all tense up. My own parents realtionship was a fundamentally bad one. They should never had married. There is one or two other big things I'm failing to mention on purpose because they're personal. But trust me, they add to this.
Anyway, as children are like a sponge I must have sub conciously absorbed this.
The type of women I'm attracted to are damaged, downtrodden, abused and cheated on. To me they're irresistable. If I could just 'save' one then I have sub conciously 'saved' my mother and my sub concious life goal has been achieved. Because as a small child there was nothing I could do.
It may have more to do with issues surrounding your parents than you may think.
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