Trying to "date around" is harder than I thought... Mr Nice Guy: Could really use some advice here.
Since the end of my marriage 7 months ago, one relationship since then (half-rebound, she was newly separated too) that went on for a couple months, I've been trying to concentrate the on one thing I should have been concentrating all along - being myself!!
I've met new people (lots of girls), done lots with my friends, gone out more often than staying in, having a good time all around...
Now it's getting hard. I reeeeallllly want to keep dating around. But there are 2 girls currently who I am seeing, not in a real relationship way, but they are both interested in me and both want it to be something. I slept with one of them last weekend. We never talked about what that meant, I like her in a lot of ways but I'm not ready to committ to anything serious just yet and I just don't know if that's what she thinks it is turning into or not. Every time we see each other we're cuddly now and occasionally make out and stuff. She is a "friend" type girl, lives close to me, and is friends with my 2 best friends.
The other girl.... is coming over tonight for a long night of drinking and chances are it's gonna happen with her too. She reeeealllly likes me and wants us to be something. I told her I wasn't 100% ready for a committed relationship yet when she asked me about it last time she was over, she understood and we backed off a bit instead of having sex. I fear that she will want to do it this time anyway, which is fine, but do you think she might try to have sex with me to pressure me into being her boyfriend?
I guess the thing I'm curious about is this... am I doing anything wrong here? It's been quite a few years since I've been able to freely date around, and this is the first time in my life where "dating" was more than just a high school relationship. I am being as hoenst as I can be with everyone, not lying about what I've been doing, though I do refer to each girl as a "friend" when talking to the other girl about her. Both girls know that the other girl likes me, and I've spared them both having to hear that I have been somewhat sexually involved with the other one.
I'm confused! I don't want to be seen as a two-timer, a liar or a manipulator, but I'm not ready to be exclusive with anyone. How do I manage that???
Re: Trying to "date around" is harder than I thought... darkrose: Amateur.
Friday night: Girl 1: Dinner/movies/drinks at my place (we both like old campy movies)..
Saturday day/evening: Girl 2: Last dive of the season + BBQ with some of her friends. I'm her date.
Saturday night--Girl 3 is coming over to watch a japanese horror flick with me.
Sunday: Tailgate/Jaguars game with Girl 4.
Sunday night: Movies with Girl 1 (I like girl 1.. *grins* --and she's far too movie deprived)..
All of them know about each other and what's going on. I think I've been extremely open and honest with all of them about my situation and what I'm looking for..we'll see what happens. I am actually quite enamored with girl 1..she's very much like me in a lot of aspects..But even then, I'm not ready for a big relationship or anything..I just want to see people and stuff. :)
Cheap dates, too. I'll probably spend $100 for the entire weekend...
Complex, just tell them you're looking to date around and there's nothing personal about it..you need to see what's there. If they are secure in themselves, they will have no problem with it..
Re: Trying to "date around" is harder than I thought... twetifb: I did the dating around thing this past summer and it was great! I juggled 3 guys and had the time of my life. I have never dated more than one person in the past so it was a good experience for me. My only advice is to be honest, which is sounds like you have. In my experience they all knew I was dating the other men but we didn't discuss anything in detail.
I agree fully with darkrose's comment:
[quote author=darkrose link=topic=37023.msg396779#msg396779 date=1162571807">
Complex, just tell them you're looking to date around and there's nothing personal about it..you need to see what's there. If they are secure in themselves, they will have no problem with it..
[/quote">
Re: Trying to "date around" is harder than I thought... whythisnow: Complex,
I also had three women I was dating last year. It get expensive but you can juggle it. I dis-engaged two of the women and went 100% out for girl #3 but she was dating a bunch of other guys and I did not make her list.
I slept with Girl #1 and Girl #2 and they both wanted a long term relationship. I never got that far with Girl #3. The sex was GREAT it reminded me of getting a "new car" after a while they all drive the same. First time sex with a new lover is magic. Almost every time I perform better the they ever had so it is a big ego trip. ( or at least that is what they say)
When Girl #3 dropped me, I felt really bad and did not date for about 6 months. Then I met my current Girl Friend that had given up dating also and we have been EXTREMELY happy and sex is incredible.
So, I have learned that dating a bunch of girls will help your ego and get you out of the funk of a divorce and when you fall for a girl that is also a player it hurts. But, eventually you meet someone that meets all your criteria and you fall in love all over again. I absolutly love my GF and if I did not have 3 of my kids living with me I would move next door to her.
Enjoy yourself and use protection. There are perfect matches to every person. I am sure if my GF dumped me today in three months I would have another one just a cute, funny and sexy. I don't believe in soulmates since my EX gutted my heart out with a spoon. I'm not bitter but as the song goes'''' Love the one your with".
FIDO
Re: Trying to "date around" is harder than I thought... l0progression: If girl 2 is trying to rope you into a relationship with sex, don't do it with her. I would recommend having some dialog with her about her intentions if things are looking good that night (sex wise). If she is willing to sleep with you but keep her emotions at bay and understand your position on relationships, then it is fair game I think.
Since you aren't in a relationship with either, there is nothing to stop you from sleeping with both of them. Be honest, let them know that you are dating around and you are looking to take it slow in terms of commitments. You don't need to tell them that you are sleeping with both of them. You might send off the wrong signals by doing that. But do let them know that there isn't just one of them.
If either of the girls call you a manipulator or a two-timer, after you have told them you aren't currently interested in monogamy, their insults won't be justified. If they freak out, this should send off huge red flags regarding their security and self worth, possessiveness, jealousy, and maturity regarding relationships and dating.
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