oh...THAT'S why! icwtsmnl: i had a realization last night.
i realized that i can make lists of the bad things in our relationship and the bad things about him, but the REASON that it doesn't make me feel better in the long term is because doing that only helps me confirm that I made the right decision to be apart. It doesn't at all address the emotional aspect; the good things that are making me miss him.
I may be stating the obvious, but it was an important insight for me; a differentiation I wasn't able to make before now. maybe it might help other people who wonder why the bad stuff their ex did isn't enough to make them move on so easily. I realized that I can not fight the sadness or missing. It just has to happen.
Re: oh...THAT'S why! allmusic76: You are absolutely right. there is the sadness and the missing them. I think at first we have that missing stage where we miss the person, and slowly but surely we miss "a person", but not necessarily that person. We miss what they represent.
I know that I've started to feel that way sometimes, because the person I fell in love with never existed. That's the part that hurts the most.
Re: oh...THAT'S why! Molach: You hit the nail on the head with "a person, not that person". It doesn't help either when all of your peers have someone.
I don't miss that person any more, but I sometimes think I am falling back into the anger stage because I think that person should have treated me better and we could still be together if we had both worked on it. The problem is that people will most likely never change, they will always stay that person. My marriage counselor even told me that, and told me to leave, it will never get fixed unless the other wants to help fix it. My counselor met with me that day and said "you don't need to come back unless you want to, you know what you have to do" . That was the end of it.
I try not to beat myself up over her lack of caring for me. It is hard not to blame yourself, but at the end of the day, you cannot hold yourself accountable for what others do. I gave her a couple of years worth of chances and she didn't do anything. That is how much I meant to her, and that is what I think of when I think of her.
Re: oh...THAT'S why! surprised: I'm getting at that point again where I just want to call, to ask if he's happy with the decision he's made. Is he happy apart, does he want to stay apart? Because I know I miss him. Maybe with time I won't miss him, but just a companion, but right now, and this whole week, I've missed him.
Re: oh...THAT'S why! allmusic76: i miss her too... and ya know what I doubt any of them are happy about the decision they made, but the odds are, they won't change their minds.
The healthiest thing we can do, is turn around and do what we need to rectify things on our own. We need to stand on our own two feet, and walk tall.
