letter AMG: i dont know if i am ready for this. here we are, again... i miss you so much, more than i can even begin to describe. i can barely let a thought of you enter my head. i can barely even hear the words that this is really happening form in my head... my life seems so empty with out you. you were my bud, my best friend, my lover, my only true real love. i can not image my life without you, as you said, my life isnt the same without you. it seems like it is going to be a long, lonely ride. one i dont even want to take. i can not even begin to describe to you the pain i am feeling. the emptiness, the panic...
it is so hard to comprehend that this is what you want, what you did. you are ok with this. especially w/ your new girlfriend, your new life. sad fact is you probably barely think of me. definately not as much as i think of you, that i can guarantee. the only way my mind can even remotely understand you is to see what a liar you are. which is still totally shocking to me. you manipulated me and lied to me to suit your needs. is that really the kind of person you are? i find that unimageable, but it has to be true.
do you really love her? because another thing, i just dont think you know what love is and i dont think you have a heart to gibe... but that too, i find hard to believe. i dont understand why? why couldnt you let yourself go w/ me. i think back of reasons you have told me or things that you said and they have to be lies if you really love this girl, which i am sure you think you do. and you did, out right lie to me... about your damn mental health. your not "healthy" enough to be with me, but you are enough to be with her????
i thought you were so much more than this. i thought there was a pure heart inside there with a beautiful soul. i thought you were capable of sooooooo much, that you had the world at your feet... when truth is you are just a crack addict. life to you is all about manipulation... even when your "sober". i mourn the person you were when we first got together... but i dont even think that person ever really existed. i just fooled myself into thinking it did. thinking you were capable of more then you were. you know i used to believe that you could do anything... i stopped believing that, a while ago actually. SO, even though "you" never really existed i mourn you.
you really should watch what you do to other people. it will get you in a lot of trouble someday...
you said that you hope i dont regret meeting you... guess what, i do. i wish i would have never met you. you have caused more drama and pain in my life than anyone has caused me. and i know pain and drama. i regret that i will always remember you, and STUPID little things about you... 3:37. i regret that no matter what i do, i will always wonder how you are... always feel the hole created when you left... i will now always know what it is like to lose something that you loved with all your heart. i hate you for doing this. you know my friends described you as evil. not, oh i dont like him... or he is an a$$ or whatever...... no they say you are evil. that is pretty harsh, dont you think? i could never believe that about you. but more than one, more than one occassion and friends who havent even met each other describe you the same way.
your suppose to be fighting for me. your suppose to be missing me so much it is killing you. how dumb am i?
Oh i am in trouble... i just dont know how i am ever going to get through this. i dont think i can. thanks
