Re: My wife said she loves another man l0progression: I hate to say this but your wife has already made her decision. By not dropping the OM, and saying that if she was forced to choose she would choose him, she has basically resigned from the marriage. She's not interested in fixing it. If she was, she would make attempts at doing things that would repair the marriage - such as dropping the other guy.
She is being selfish and has shown just how low a priority the marriage is to her.
I would prepare to leave.
Re: My wife said she loves another man happyonmyown: soconfused, your story is almost exactly the same as mine except in my case my husband is the one who met someone else and decided to take a break from us.( We have been together for 13 years) He now stays with his girlfriend. Although he doesn't live with me anymore, he comes over every day because we have two children together. For a while, I was in pain I had never experienced before the incident. Our kids don't know what's going on so I had to put on a happy face all day long and I would break down after he leaves to go to his girlfriend's place at night(after our kids bedtime).
I had very little or no food and drank until I passed out on the living room floor every night a week straight plus I had started smoking again after 6 years of no smoking. I no longer drink but I became addictied to cigarretts.
A few weeks past by and I started looking around for support group on the internet. I have found a few good ones(including this one) and I read what others experienced and how they coped with their situation. Knowing I'm not the only one who is going through realtionship problems helped me calm down a bit. Also I have realized blaming my husband or even myself isn't what I should be doing. It is really nobody's fault. I now focus on myself and think a lot about who I really am, what I want in life, what makes me happy and how can I be happy on my own regardless of a situation I am in. A few days after he left, I begged him to come back and he said he needed time to decide who he wanted to be with. I was devastated. I told him I would change and want us to try again one last time - I was so desparate to have him back. That was just a couple of weeks ago. But I came to a realization that I have no control over his feelings and had stopped waiting for him to come back. I read somewhere someone said "Let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours, if not, it was never yours." This made a lot of sense to me! I am now in the process of letting go to be ready for the worst situation.
I am confident to be able to find my own happiness without him and I feel a lot better than I did when he told me about his girlfriend(after I confronted him). He says he still loves me and I love him too. If he decides to come back, great, I will treat him right this time and do my part to make our marriage work, but if not, I will be ready to accept it too.
In your case, your wife chose you but it sounds like you still have bad feelings about what she's done to you...? I think it's dangerous to feel that way(I know you can't help feeling that way though). Of course you can't forget something like that, I know I won't, but you can forgive her if you really love her. As long as you bring the subject up, she won't feel that you have accepted her. If you really want to make your marriage work, don't dwell on the past. Think about the present and future and do your best to think positive. The past is buried. Neither of you should have bad feelings for one another. But if you still do even after you tried everything to be happy again, then maybe, just maybe you didn't want her back in the first place...
Re: My wife said she loves another man l0progression: Oh ya, and one more thing: Never ask how far your wife has gone with the OM. The likelihood of the spouse's response being honest is very slim, so you can take your chances and believe her if you want, but more often than not they are lying to protect the other spouse's feelings or to protect themselves.
Re: My wife said she loves another man Whirlpool: [quote author=l0progression link=topic=37041.msg398065#msg398065 date=1162840473">
I hate to say this but your wife has already made her decision. By not dropping the OM, and saying that if she was forced to choose she would choose him, she has basically resigned from the marriage. She's not interested in fixing it. If she was, she would make attempts at doing things that would repair the marriage - such as dropping the other guy.
She is being selfish and has shown just how low a priority the marriage is to her.
I would prepare to leave.
[/quote">
You might want to read it again friend.
Re: My wife said she loves another man idocsteve: [quote author=Whirlpool link=topic=37041.msg397362#msg397362 date=1162637706"> Get some professional help from here on out and use this board for emotional support only...telling this guy to "kick his wife to the curb", "no contact", etc, will likely only serve to chase her right back into this other mans arms. [/quote">
[quote author=Whirlpool link=topic=37041.msg398296#msg398296 date=1162854650"> You might want to read it again friend.
[/quote">
I think he read it correctly the first time.
1) She has a history of cheating on him in the past.
2) She says if she had to choose right now she would choose the other guy.
3) She wants to date them both so she can decide. That's immature, disrespectful, and indicative of a woman that just doesn't care anymore.
4) She texts the other guy while she is talking to her husband. See the 2nd half of #3 above.
5) He has a gut feeling she really wants out and she is just playing games.
I stand by my advice and the other posters that say go no contact and prepare to move on. If going no contact throws her into the arms of the other man then she was gone anyway. If she still loves him then she needs a wakeup call, and no contact is the best way to do it.
Am I correct? Who knows. Anyone who takes advice from this forum should be aware that these are simply the opinions of untrained average folks that have dealt with their own life crises, and are offering their views based on their personal experiences.
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