Re: i think im getting closer notagain: I honestly believe if I didn't have God and the strength that I get from Him, I'd be having a nervous breakdown right now. For me, it's helping me survive.
The lonliness I feel sometimes is too much. I see him in the house everyday, talking to me and playing with the kids, I'm doing my motherly duties and sometimes we'll have sex, of course if I initiate it. I am dying inside. Really, not sure how much I can take. I'm desperate for something and I am mourning the loss of my relationship at the same time. I feel lost.
But I know this is just a season for me, God has plans for me. I know He does for you and everyone else too. I hold on to that like nothing else.
I'm tired of waiting for the phone call from D telling me he's sorry and he wants to work on us. I'm tired of waiting for an email saying he loves me. My heart hurts like crazy. It beats fast and I feel like I am going to throw up.
I have to give him time, he's in counseling and so am I. We both have huge issues to deal with. I pray that God gives me strength to get through this. I keep reminding myself, this is just a season, I'll get through it.
Again, I don't know your whole story. How are you dealing with it now? Meds? You sound strong and you can get through this.
Re: i think im getting closer allmusic76: my whole story is pretty much posted in this thread.... I mean there is more to it of course. But the basic gist is here. My ex-gf left in a very abrupt and sudden manner. At the time, I thought everything between her and I was OK.... but apparently the other problems I had going on were affecting her more than I thought.
Either way, she didn't want to be there for it, so she broke up with me. She said she wanted two weeks to think. I did the typical guy thing and wanted to talk, that didn't work, so I gave her the space she asked for. That didn't work either. The day before we were supposed to sit down and actually talk about our relationship, I came home from work for lunch and she was packing to leave.
She had no intention of actually thinking the full two weeks. She didn't give me any advance warning, so I couldn't make any arrangements etc. Hell she stuck me with a lease I can't afford by myself. I managed to pay the November rent, but December is probably not going to happen.
I'm in counseling, but they haven't prescribed any medication. He actually told me to get out..... He prefers to fight depression with action first.
I guess that typically, in the case of a breakdown, the actual breakdown is a way of our body/mind communicating with us that we have too much pressure coming in. The breakdown itself resolves a lot of the problems, because it creates awareness.
From that point it's a matter of actively altering your behavior so it doesn't happen again. I take too much on sometimes.
Re: i think im getting closer notagain: Man it all sucks so bad. Do you feel like how can you ever trust someone again? I do. I just feel a HUGE hole in my heart filled with nothing but emptiness.
Re: i think im getting closer allmusic76: I agree... I have that hole too. But I have consolation that I was able to give enough of myself to another person that there is a gaping hole left.
If she can leave and patch herself up so quickly, then I know that at the very least, I was willing to give my whole heart to someone, and they weren't. It sucks but that's the reality of it.
Re: i think im getting closer allmusic76: The part I hate the most... is that I was having a nervous breakdown. They say when the shit hits the fan, you can really tell who gives a damn and who doesn't.
It's not like I asked for this to happen. When you have a breakdown, it's because you weren't doing something right, and you had no idea it was wrong...( because if you knew it was wrong, then you'd have done something about it in the first place.)
I just never figured she would be the one to ditch me when things got hard. I mean I never said I was an angel. I imagine I was impossible to stand while I was going through those things... but at the same time... i didn't see it, and no one was pointing it out to me. Once again, that's the point of a breakdown.
I guess that to me, if things really mattered, then she would have tried to stick around and help me out. Instead of that, she took off.
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