It's so hard!!!! TN Girl: My husband moved out over a week ago and I have been through so many emotions. So many different emotions in a course of a day. Wednesday night I called him to ask about full vs Joint custody of our son. We agreed on joint custody, but he brought up me having full custody. So thursday I again called him to ask h im if he would fight me for full custody, he said he wouldn't as long as we made a fair visitation schedule. In my opinion, it's what he wants. He never really made an effort to take care of our son when he lived here, and I guess doesn't want to start now. I asked him both wed. and thurs. night about counceling. He insists that counseling doesn't help. Even though I asked him to leave, I wanted to give it another try. He doesn't want to, so I thought I had moved on and began to accept it and have been doing really good since thursday (no tears, since crying myself to sleep thursday night). Well, he and my father, brother and some other guys have a hunting cabin they lease. I know my husband already paid his money early in the year to be a member, but it's so hard for me to accept him being at the cabin "hanging out" with my dad. I thought I was doing better, but now I'm depressed all over again. I can't believe he would want to go. He talked to my mom friday night and told her that he still loves her and my dad. I guess I thought that spending the weekend with my dad he would think about the good times we had and agree to counseling or help to get "us" back, but he obviously is okay with it. It's tearing me up. I think it would be easier if I thought it were harder for him. He says it's very hard for him, but I don't see it. Maybe he doesn't see it with me either. I just have to accept that it's over, and I'm having alot of trouble with it. The biggest thing besides being scared is, imagining him with someone else. I can't even imagine him with anyone else, not that I even want him anymore. I know that sounds horrible.
How do you accept it??? I'm supposed to contact a lawyer and file, but can't afford it right now. I'm scared.. I'm just sooo scared.
Re: It's so hard!!!! IlliniGirl: It's a hard thing to deal with, and I wish I could tell you how you can just accept it.....but, sadly, I can't.
It's something that you have to just work on dealing with. Acceptance will come in time.
AB
Re: It's so hard!!!! allmusic76: TN Girl....
You've actually got a good grasp on things and the reality of it, which s a great start.
[quote author=TN Girl link=topic=37095.msg397739#msg397739 date=1162759937">
I wanted to give it another try. He doesn't want to, so I thought I had moved on and began to accept it [quote"> [/quote">
I know that feeling. The important word here is he doesn't WANT to. I hated that. My ex said that to my face as she moving out. " I don't WANT to try" Were her exact words. When someone says that, it doesn't matter if their reasons are good or bad, or even the manner in which they are leaving is right or wrong....there is no changing it. Hell, most of the time, it's a selfish cop out.
[quote"> [/quote">
I think it would be easier if I thought it were harder for him. He says it's very hard for him, but I don't see it. Maybe he doesn't see it with me either.[quote"> [/quote">
That's probably one of the truest statements I have read on these boards. When you are getting tossed out, it appears so easy for the other person. In many ways it is. My ex had no remorse for the way she treated me, and that killed me. She has been hostile and vindictive... and it hurts really bad. But every day, it matters to me less and less that she treats me that way still. (We still have scenarios that require contact).
My best suggestion... is take it one step at a time. Take every event as it comes, and leave it once you are finished with it.
Re: It's so hard!!!! l0progression: The first few weeks are the worst. You've already conquered more than one week.
Just bear in mind that someday you won't care about a dead relationship anymore. Its 100% up to you to set that date.
Re: It's so hard!!!! allmusic76: I agree...with IO.... and you can't forget, that it's a roller coaster. It's not a smooth ride by any means. There will be days you wake up and feel great, and then bam, you're first song comes on the radio... or someone quotes your favorite movie.... You have to be strong, dilligent, forgiving, and courageous. It's a different kind of courage. You have to be brave enough to let yourself cry when you need to...
