Re: marriage and happiness ibelong2me: First of all I believe you have to be happy with yourself and your life before you can truly be happy with anyone else. Marriage shouldn't make happiness it should add even more happiness to your already "happy" self and life.
Ibelong2me
Re: marriage and happiness katbuttkid: [quote author=JimB link=topic=37501.msg403902#msg403902 date=1163778861">
... happiness comes from taking delight in the fundamentals of ...things like commitment, trust, a sense of sharing. If those things make you happy, go ahead and get married - marriage should enhance your life. But remember, marriage is an institution built on much more important things than happiness.
[/quote">
YES!!!!! FINALLY!!
LOL
That is exactly it.
I didn't sign up to be happy all the time, you know
And even with that, knowing it was work, and being ready for work.... O well.
It was my husband's fault! :P
He just wasn't good for the marriage.
>:(
Seriously, I don't think he thinks of marriage and thinks of those things.
Ibelong--
Yes, that is very true. It's an aside to what I meant tho. But it goes great with the meal!
Tree
Re: marriage and happiness 2be: What I found out (the hard way) was that happiness has to come from within. I don't rely on any external "thing" to "make" me happy, whether that be marriage or whatever. You HAVE to be happy... perfectly happy and content, with yourself before you committ to anything.
I am now content in my relationship. I was happy BEFORE I got involved with my girlfriend. As I've told her... she is a nice sweet layer of icing on my "happy" cake. :D But she doesn't MAKE me happy... that is headed toward dependent disaster.
Re: marriage and happiness Laura35: But does that mean that there isn't such a thing as a bad decision to marry someone and all marriages should be treated equally and one should be happy with whoever one is with? You just stick it out? The difference between a spouse and a child is that the spouse is not naturally yours - you pick one person from the crowd (one you try to find the most things in common with, plus attraction?).
I do know of people who regret sticking to the marriage for as long as they did (my parents being my closest example) because they were just not on the same page in so many aspects.
Now I have my own problems, but I do know that I was more "unhappy" - or let's say depressed when I was alone than when I was married, and yet I had so many doubts before and after getting married that I made myself unhappy through 6 years of relationship even though many other aspects of my life had improved. I remained fundamentally bothered by uncertainty and I wish my mind worked that way, tell it to feel something and it will. So now I'm left deciding whether I want my marriage to really be over.
That's one thing I didn't respond to before my thread got blocked (too many people apparently had strong opinions about it): I think there are degrees of doubt and unhappiness that comes from the relationship, and not all marriages are created equal. My husband thinks I would have had the same problems no matter whom I would have married - which I guess I can't know because I was only married to him.
I don't know what I'm trying to say. I think it's a bit much to say that all people can work out their marriages, if only they are happy with themselves.
Re: marriage and happiness hudson: Good thread. I think it's pertanent as well. Ojar is filled with men and women who directly associate their happiniess or potential happiness with having an SO and ultimately a spouse. Personally, I learned my lesson the hard way. I was certainly guilty of putting far too much emphasis on marriage as a means to gain happiness and fulfillment. Boy was off the mark. Never again.
Glad you brought it up tree.
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