could really use some guidance dcfcny: I have been in a really great relationship with someone for three years. I come here and I think I'm on the younger end of spectrum but I don't doubt my feelings for this person at all. We came to the horrible point of deciding our future as college approached. She was not accepted into the same college as I was so we were forced to part. Things started to become really stressful for us as college approached and we were unsure about what we wanted to do. She went to her college three weeks earlier than I did. The first week was really depressing but I went up to see how she was adjusting to college life and spent the weekend with her. It was one of the best things I had experience to date and I decided to keep our relationship as I went to college. A few days before I moved into my dorm things started to get stressful again until I reached the breaking point. Now that I look back I don't know why I did it but I broke up with her when she really made me mad one night. I think it had something to do with all of the stress I was under.
The first week that I was here I decided that I wanted to meet other people and not limit my future. I was still angry at her for annoying me and we had not talked for days at a time. I met someone here who didn't mean anything, but since we weren't together and I was angry with her I ended up having sex with her. I did it twice, even though it was awkward for every second of it. I knew I shouldn't keep it from her so I ended up telling her. I also told her that getting with the girl here made me realize how awkward it felt to be away and how much I wasn't REALLY interested in anyone here. I went to parties every weekend and the last thing on my mind was meeting people. I told her if she could forgive me and work with me to get past it that I wanted to be with her still and she made me feel the same way. She told me that she didn't understand how I could do something like that because she felt that she never ever would want to be with someone else.
After the conversation she was mad but we talked daily and really got back in the swing of things. She had been asking me to come out here since I first got here and I decided that it was a good thing to do. She came out here and it was better than it ever was before. She went back to her college a few states away knowing how I felt about her. She had let me know what she did the weekend after I told her about me having sex with the girl here and she mentioned that she went to a party and met a bunch of people because she was so mad at me. Nothing would have struck me different about the situation but she spoke very weird about the whole situation. When I asked her if she had possibly got involved with anyone but she made me feel bad for not trusting her.
Well it turns out she did do something and she had been lying about it for a full month. She said things like "I swear on my life, I swear on our relationship, I swear on my moms life" that I didn't do anything with anyone. She ended up going down on some guy a couple days after I told her about Heather.
I'm upset with the fact that she lied, and that she told me that we could work through it and it would be okay and still went down on him.
I feel horrible and I don't know if I have the right to be mad. Trust is something that is absolutely pivotal in relatiionships. I even told her that numerous times. I'm just confused I guess.
So now I have the choice to go on with the relationship or end it and look for someone who I can trust. Any advice?
thanks for reading this ridiculously long story
Re: could really use some guidance stillfightin: DCF,
I would back off for a while during this first year of college. You will be under much stress with all the changes of Freshman year. She will be under the same stress and while you may not believe this all will likely change for the two of you. 18 - 20 years old is young in the world. You really might not wanna get tight with someone this early in college. College is a great time to explore yourself and trying to endure the stress of a long distance relationship will take its toll in so many ways.
just thoughts to think about. and I probably sound like an old guy but at 37 I probably am ;D
stillfightin
Re: could really use some guidance l0progression: I agree. You'll regret trying to stay tied down when its pretty clear that a long distance relationship is not going to work.
Re: could really use some guidance Garrett Jax: And you guys didn't apply to the same colleges and simply go to one where you were both accepted because why?
Re: could really use some guidance dcfcny: We applied to the same colleges, but she did not get accepted into the out of state college I got into. She also did not have the money to move down with me anyway. Not only did I not want to attend the one college she was accepted into but my parents did not advise me to go there when I had a better school that I was accepted into. We had been making plans for her to move down here next year including finding a college she could afford and housing rather close to my university. I don't know whether it is a good idea anymore.
